Stricken
by mydistraction122
Summary: This story takes place after City of Glass. It's my answer to the question of why Jonathan left Isabelle alive, after killing Max. Follow Jace, Clary, Magnus and Alec as they try to save Isabelle from a horrible fate. Now accepting anonymous reviews.
1. Prologue

**Author's Note: These characters belong to Cassandra Clare. I'm only borrowing them**. **This is the prologue to my story Stricken. Be sure to read the AN at the bottom as well. **

**Prologue**

**Jonathan's POV**

I know what it's like to die. I felt the darkness pulling me under, just as the weight of my clothing had pulled me toward the bottom of the river. I felt the burning pain, and the cool water brought me no relief. I felt the emptiness at it drew me forward, and for the first time I felt fear.

Just when I almost drowned-not in water, but in terror-I felt the beginning of my rebirth. I felt as the fear was slowly replaced by hatred, and the firery pain replaced by the burning need for revenge, and the darkness became light as I was drawn by an undeniable force up toward the surface.

Jace's intent had been to kill me, and being stabbed in the heart should have ended me, but all it had done was facilitate my rebirth. What was left of my humanity had died that day, and for that I can feel gratitude. My humanity had made me weak. Now I will never feel weakness again.

My thoughts turned to Isabelle Lightwood. She still has no idea what I'd done to her. It's hard to believe how stupid they all are. Did she really think I would have left her alive if it hadn't served my purposes? Killing the brat Max had been fun, but what I had done to her had truly been a pleasure.

I had been biding my time and preparing. Now the time had come. Isabelle would soon be mine. When her usefulness is at an end, I will kill her, but not before allowing the others to know where she is. I will wait for them to come, and then I will kill them all.

My father had his agenda; His grand purpose. I can see now how empty and futile it all was. He had made me to be the secret weapon in his personal holy war. How ironic, I was now the weapon that would bring about the end of not only Downworlders, but Nephilim as well.

Smiling to myself, I thought once again of Isabelle Lightwood. I was looking forward to reacquainting myself with her. The changes will have begun to take place. I couldn't wait to see their results first hand. A new war had begun, and Isabelle would be the first casualty.

**Author's Note: This is a story based on one question. Why did Jonathan leave Isabelle alive. As different scenarios ran through my weirdly wired brain, I kept wanting to write this story as a possible answer to that question. **

**While this story will have it's lighter moments (especially between Clary-Jace and Magnus-Alec) it is going to be very dark at times and is based on what I think happened in the time after Max was killed, while Isabelle is knocked out. Everything resulting from those few moments is the basis for this story. Please review and let me know what you think. Be constructive; this is my first multi-chapter story. **


	2. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

**This story takes place after City of Glass. Their will be multiple points of views throughout the story. If you're looking for a cut and dry happy ending, you won't find it here. These characters belong to Cassandra Clare. I'm just going to put them in challenging situations and have them kiss a lot. **

**Clary's Pov**

I walked through the front door of the apartment thoroughly exhausted. In the month since returning from Idris, Jace had been putting me through the paces. He insisted I try and make up for the training I had missed due to what he calls my, "mundie upbringing". I kept reminding him that it was impossible for me to cram years of training into a few short weeks, but that hadn't stopped him from trying.

With a sigh, I placed the keys on the table beside the door, and walked over to the couch. Without bothering to take off my shoes, I lie down hoping to get some relief from the aches and pains I felt in various parts of my body. I was going to have a serious talk with Jace about his prescribed training regiment. The new tutor would be arriving at the institute in six weeks, and she couldn't get here soon enough. There was no way she could be as bad as Jace....or at least I hope not.

When he wasn't saving the world from the demon horde, or trying to turn me into the world's greatest shadowhunter (besides himself of course) Jace and I had spent most of our time together just enjoying the fact we could be together. Since returing from Idris, I had lived in a state of euphoric disbelief. Could this really be my life?

Was it really just a month ago that things were still so screwed up? When I thought back to the time before we had found out the truth-the time when we had to fight our feelings for one another- it all seems like a bad dream. The bad dream is over, but as happens sometimes, the fear still lingers even after you wake up.

When we were in Alicante, the night of the victory celebration, Aline had said that maybe Jace wouldn't be interested in me anymore, because I was no longer forbidden. If I were honest with myself, I would admit that I had been afraid she was right. I guess I had been afraid of a lot of things. Would I really be able to fit into Jace's world? Could I be enough for him? Would he see me as his equal or would I always be someone he felt the need to protect? So many fears, and yet one by one they had all been swept away by the force of our love for one another.

Last night, Jace and I had spent the evening at the institute together. After a few hours training with the seraph blade he had mercifully decided that I had enough. While I went to shower and change ,Jace said he would fix us dinner and for me to meet him in the greenhouse when I was finished. After about twenty minutes, I thought myself presentable and headed that way.

Walking through the door I saw Jace sitting on the floor. It immediately took me back to the last time we had been here at night. This was the place Jace had kissed me for the first time. He must have heard me come in, because he turned toward me. It was then I noticed he had showered and changed as well.

"What took you so long," he asked with a smile. He handed me a sandwich, smirking down at me. "I made dinner, showered, and still managed to beat you here."

I looked at the offering and couldn't help but tease him. "Jace, how long does it take to make a sandwich? Are these the only thing you even know how to make," I asked sarcastically.

He grinned wickedly down at me. "Hey, the last time we were up here that cheese sandwich helped me get a kiss. Why mess with success?"

I had to laugh at that-like he needed any help to get a kiss from me or anyone else- and we began to eat our dinner. Along with the main course of cheese sandwiches, Jace had also brought some grapes, a couple of cookies, and some bottled water. It ended up hitting the spot. I hadn't realized how hungry I was.

Sneaking a glance at Jace out of the corner of my eye, I saw him looking at me as well. Instantly, the atmosphere changed. Where just a second earlier we had been eating in companionable silence, there was now a tense feeling of awareness between us. I had tried to ease the tension by making a joke about Jace's nonexistent culinary skills, but my voice came out sounding a little husky, and I failed miserably.

Bending over till he was just inches from my face, and his voice sounding rough as well, "Clary," Jace said. "You had better stop making fun of my moves in the kitchen, or I'm going to have to shut you up."

"And how would you go about doing that?," I asked in a whisper.

"Like this," Jace said and he brought his lips to mine.

I felt his arms go around me, and as my lips opened beneath his I felt a desperate need to get closer to him. He must have felt the same way, because without breaking our kiss he pulled me suddenly onto his lap. I was now facing him with my legs wrapped around his waist. I pulled him against me and we moved against each other desperately. He pulled his mouth from mine and whispered my name. My heart quickened, and I moaned as he started placing kisses against my neck. My hands went into his hair and I tugged his lips back to mine. I couldn't get enough of him.

Our kisses became hungrier as we used our lips and hands to express our need for one another. I trembled as he pulled my bottom lip between his teeth and bit gently. He trembled as my hands went beneath his shirt and caressed as much of him as I could reach. It wasn't nearly enough, so breaking our kiss for a moment I grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. I tossed it to the side while returning my lips to his.

Jace's hands were just as busy as mine were, and he made quick work of the buttons of my shirt. Pulling his lips from mine he trailed kisses down my neck to the area right above the edge of my tank top. I moaned loud enough to embaress myself when he started to nibble and lick his way across my chest.

At that point, I had to try hard just to remember to breathe. How could he make me feel like this; Like it was all too much, but not enough at the same time? It had always been like this with us- exhilerating and so out of control it bordered on scary. Seeking some kind of anchor, I pulled his lips back up to mine.

Jace must have had a moment of clarity, because he suddenly broke our kiss. We were both breathing hard, and he sounded breathless when he asked, "Clary, are you ready for this?"

I thought about that for a moment. My body was screaming yes, but I honestly didn't know if I was ready. I guess my uncertainty was my answer.

Jace saw my reluctance. "I love you," he said. "We don't have to do this now, tomorrow, or even a year from now. We don't have to rush".

"I love you too, Jace. I can't even describe how much I want you. I just don't know if I'm ready for……_that_, yet."

Jace was looking at me slightly amused as be brought his hands to rest on my now burning cheeks. "_That _can wait, Clary." He suddenly looked serious. "There was a time not long ago when I thought us being together like this was impossible. This is enough, Clary. You're enough. All the other stuff will come when we're both ready."

He had hugged me closer to him, and we stayed like that, just talking and holding one another till it was time for me to go home. Jace then helped me up. While I buttoned my shirt, Jace bent and retrieved his shirt from the floor. I was embarrased to realise how far I had thrown it in my haste to get it off of him. I tried to disguise my mortification, but Jace noticed and laughed. I retaliated by punching him in the arm. "Hey, watch it," Jace teased. "All that training must be starting to pay off. I actually felt that." The easy banter had continued as he walked me to the door. We discussed our plans for the next day, and then Jace kissed me goodbye.

I was brought back to the present when my thoughts turned to our plans for tonight. Jace was picking me up at 8:00. Glancing at the clock, it was just now 1:50. I still had a few hours before I needed to start getting ready, so that left me some time to get caught up on some much needed rest. I just drifted off when seconds later I woke to the shrill sound of my phone ringing. I thought seriously of letting it go to voice mail, but I figured it might be my mom or Jace, so I picked it up.

"Hello," I said.

"Clary, its Isabelle….. I need to talk to you."

I immediately knew something was very wrong. Isabelle sounded hysterical.

"What's wrong? Has something happened," I asked.

There was a long pause. I could hear her crying. I was about to ask her again what was wrong when she said, "I need to see you now, Clary."

My mind quickly went through every horrific scenario that could be responsible for her acting this way. I began to feel a little panicked myself. I forced myself to stay calm and in a voice meant to soothe I asked, "What's going on, Isabelle? Tell me what's wrong."

"I can't talk about this over the phone. Meet me at Java Jones. It'll be practically empty this time of day. Please Clary, come now. I really need to talk to you."

She sounded desperate. I could tell she was trying to calm herself down, but she wasn't succeeding. I had never heard Isabelle sound so upset…..not even when Max had been killed.

"I'll leave now, Isabelle. I just have to leave my mom a note."

"Thanks, Clary. Bye."

After hearing her hang up, I stood there trying to imagine what would cause Isabelle to act like that. She was one of the strongest people I knew.

I couldn't help the feeling of trepidation that washed over me. I knew that Isabelle hadn't been herself lately, but I thought it was just everything that happenened. Maxs' death had been hard on everyone, but especially Isabelle. Even though she had done nothing wrong, she still felt responsible for what had happened to him. The guilt was something she was still trying to deal with. But how Isabelle had sounded on the phone........that sounded like something else entirely. This was going to be really bad. I could feel it.

I quickly wrote my mom a note, and made my way out the door. No matter the dread I was currently feeling, Isabelle needed me. As to what was going on I had no idea, but ready or not I was about to find out.

**Author's Note:**

**I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of Stricken. I will be updating this story on Wednesdays, but I will try and post extra chapters if time permits me to write more often. Please review. Feedback is always welcome. **


	3. Chapter 2

**Authors Note: These characters belong to Cassandra Clare. **

**Clary's POV**

I made my way through the streets of my neighborhood, and headed as quickly as possible to the coffee shop. I squashed down the feeling of panic that was continually trying to push itself to the forefront of my thoughts. Isabelle had been so distant recently that I couldn't honestly say I knew what was going on with her. I knew that Jace had been worried, but we both thought what she needed most was time.

When we had returned home from Idris, I had thought that Isabelle was moving forward. It was an effort for her, but I could tell she was trying. She had thrown herself into training, even helping me from time to time. Until Simon had returned to school, she had hung out with him as much as possible. They were beginning to become really close. But as the days passed, it seemed as if all the trying had begun to wear her down. Like holding back a large boulder trying to slide down a hill, her depression had seemed to overwhelm her with the weight of its persistence. Her parents, caught up in their own grief, kept as busy as possible with duties to the Clave. I wondered how much they noticed as Isabelle struggled with Max's death and everything that had happened to her in Idris.

I saw the outside of the coffee shop and did a quick scan of the street looking for Isabelle. Not seeing her, I made my way inside. I walked over to the coffee bar and ordered two coffees. I then made my way over to an empty table in a dim lit corner of the shop. I sat down, and moments later Isabelle walked in.

The first thing I noticed as she made her way toward me was how tired she looked. The dark circles under her eyes made it appear as if she hadn't slept in ages. Her eyes were red and puffy and she looked as if she had been crying. Her long dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail that had started to escape its confinement. She was wearing jeans with a long sleeved black t-shirt and had on her black shadowhunter boots. All in all, she didn't resemble Isabelle very much at all. My worry for her grew exponentially. She must have noticed how intensely I was looking at her because her gaze witch had just met mine quickly went to the floor.

Keeping her eyes down, Isabelle slid into the seat across from me. I wanted her to look at me, but her eyes seemed to be glued to the set of initials carved into the table in front of her. The clanking sound of dishes was the only noise in the quiet of the shop. After a few moments, I felt compelled to break the uncomfortable silence that has settled between us.

"Isabelle, what has happened? Tell me what's wrong."

Another moment passed. Isabelle still hadn't met my eyes so it was hard to even guess what she was thinking. Finally, she whispered, "Clary, I need you to Mark me."

Of all the things I had imagined she might say to me, this was something I hadn't anticipated. I didn't know where this was going, and I didn't know how to respond.

"What do you mean, Isabelle? If a Mark is all you need, why not just ask Alec or Jace. Why are you coming to me?

Isabelle looked up and met my gaze for the first time since we had been here. Her eyes were full of tears and looked….haunted. Hesitating, she seemed to be trying to find the words. Slowly she began to speak.

"I haven't been able to sleep, Clary. It's been weeks since I've been able to sleep through the night. Nothing helps. I need you to create a rune that will help me sleep," she hesitated, "help me sleep without nightmares."

She immediately put her head down and started fidgeting with the sleeve of her shirt. She must have been doing it a lot, because the sleeve was now loose and misshapen.

Had it been like that when she came in? How was I going to respond to this?

"Isabelle, I don't know what to say. You know it doesn't work that way. I can't just pull something out of my head. It has to come to me."

While in Idris-the day after the victory celebration-Jace, Simon, Alec, Isabelle, and I had told our different perspectives of things that happened the day of the battle when Valentine had been defeated. I had also told them how I believed I made the runes. The runes I made were older then the Gray Book, which was the book that held the runes that Nephalim used. I believe I don't create the runes, as much as I remember them. They are runes older then the Gray Book; Maybe as old as the angels themselves.

"I want to help you Isabelle, but I don't know if I can help you in that way. What if I try, and instead of putting you into a dreamless sleep, I put you into a coma….or maybe I try and nothing happens at all. Have you even told anyone what's been happening to you? Maybe if you talk to someone……" I trailed off not really knowing what to say.

"Clary, I haven't told anyone because I just can't. Mom and Dad have been so out of it. Their hurting so much already…..I just…I just can't lay anymore on them. I thought that it would get better and that I could handle it, but it just keeps getting worse. You don't know, Clary. You don't know what it's been like."

I looked Isabelle in the eye and said earnestly, "Then tell me what it's been like. You need to talk to someone, so talk to me."

"If I tell you, Clary, you have to promise not to tell anyone, not even Jace. I'll tell them, but not right now. Promise me Clary."

I thought for a moment and knew what I had to do. I hated to keep anything from Jace, but Isabelle needed to talk to someone, and I knew that if I didn't promise she wouldn't talk to me or anyone else. "I promise," I said.

"Swear on the Angel, Clary."

"I swear on the Angel," I said reluctantly.

Isabelle let out a deep sigh. I hadn't realized until that moment that she had been holding her breath. She paused for a moment, thinking, and then tensed up again. She took a deep breath as if preparing to say something, only to let it out in a gush of air. She did this several times. It brought to mind someone who had committed an unpardonable sin, and was trying to confess it to their priest. She took another deep breath and in a voice barely above a whisper she began to speak.

"Clary, ever since we got back from Idris I've been having these dreams. At first, I dreamed of seeing Max on the floor…….Jonathen standing over him with a hammer" She stopped, took another deep breath and continued. "I dreamed of coming up on Jace….Jonathen on top of him stabbing him in the chest. There's blood everywhere and I'm too late. Jace is dead."

Isabelle's voice had been shaky, but I watched as her whole body began to shake. Her face had turned white and the thin sheen of sweat on her face made it look as if she had just ran through a light mist of rain. I wanted to try and comfort her in some small way, and reached across the table for her hand. Isabelle snatched it away. "I don't need that from you," she snapped.

I was shocked at the anger in her voice. I pulled my hand back as well, and waited for her to continue.

"I was trying hard to act like everything was normal, but it became more and more difficult, Clary. The dreams changed." She paused and seemed to debate weather or not to continue. "The dream started out with me standing at the top of the stairs. I had a feeling of such rage. I walked down into the kitchen. Max was there, and he turned around. He smiled at me. I raised my hand and there was a hammer in it. I started hitting him over and over again. It was so real, Clary. I could feel the bone breaking beneath the blows, the sounds…..the way the blood on my hands was making it hard to hold the hammer. How it kept trying to slip from my fingers." Isabelle began to cry. "I killed him. I killed my brother."

I was not going to sit there and let her say that. "Isabelle. You did not kill, Max. Jonathen killed Max. You love your brother. If you could have saved him, you would have."

"You don't get it, Clary. In the dream I enjoyed it. I enjoyed killing him"

"Listen to me. I'm not a psychiatrist, but I think you're having these dreams because you feel guilty. But it's not your fault. Jonathen fooled us all. He tried to kill you as well. You're lucky to be alive."

"Am I really, Clary? Lucky I mean."

I was shocked she would say something like that. "What do you mean, Isabelle?"

"Don't look at me like that, Clary. I'm not……wishing I had died; Not really. It's just something Jonathen said to me in one of the dreams I had"

"What about Jonathen?"

"It's the dream I had before. Where I come down the stairs and see Max lying on the floor. Jonathen is standing over him with the hammer, but in this dream Jonathen turns to me, and before I can do anything he hits me. He falls down on top of me and I can't move. I can see his eyes, Clary, and their just so black, empty….but he's smiling down at me. It's like he's having fun. He touched my face. He bent over and whispered in my ear, 'You're so beautiful, Isabelle'. I was so afraid. I wanted him off of me, but I couldn't move. He….licked my face, and then he whispered for me not to be afraid, because he wasn't going to kill me. He told me he had plans for me. He reached into his coat and he brought out this dagger. It had something black on it and he cut my arm. It burned, and then I didn't feel anything." Isabelle had lost what remained of the color in her face, but her brown eyes had turned impossibly dark…almost black. The contrast was startling. "That's when I woke up, but it seemed so real. And I could still hear him, Clary. Jonathen.... saying he had plans for me. It just keeps replaying in my mind."

"Did that happen, Isabelle? Did Jonathen do that to you?"

"At first, I thought it was just a dream….but now I'm not sure. I don't have any memories of what happened after I found Max; not until Alec woke me up. I didn't have a cut on my arm," she hesitated, "so it has to be a dream. It just seemed so real."

I was starting to feel overwhelmed with the amount of information I was taking in. I felt so grown up most of the time. I was a shadwhunter, and while I had always acted mature for my age, my new responsibilities added with everything I had been through, sometimes made me feel like a forty year old. But at that moment, I felt exactly like a sixteen year old kid who didn't know what to do, and just wanted to call her mom for advice.

"Jonathen is dead, Isabelle. He can't hurt you or anyone else." I thought I saw a look of skepticism flash across her face, but she quickly masked it.

"No amount of talking is going to make this better. I need the dreams to stop. I keep losing Max over and over again. I keep seeing him die. I keep killing him. I just want it to stop. Please, Clary…..just make it stop."

Isabelle was looking at me with haunted eyes that were filled with tears. She was pleading with me to help her, but I didn't know if I could or if it was possible if it would be the right thing to do.

"Isabelle, listen to me. If I were to do this it wouldn't really be helping. It's like when humans take antidepressants after a loved one dies. It masks the feeling of sadness, but it doesn't really go away. If I'm able to do this, it would just be temporary. Sooner or later you're going to have to deal with this. I really think you should tell your parents."

"Clary, I will tell them and I will deal with this; just not right now. I need some time, and you can give me that. Please Clary, just try."

We both slipped into silence. I didn't know what Isabelle was thinking, but I sat and contemplated all that had been said. I had a choice to make, and as the moments passed I finally came to a decision. I would try, but with a condition.

"Isabelle, I'm going to try….but before I do you have to promise me something."

"What is it, Clary?"

"I'll try to help, but I need you to promise me that if things don't begin to get better that you'll tell you parents everything you just told me."

"I promise," she said solemnly.

I glanced down at the time on my cell phone. It was almost four o' clock. My mom wasn't home yet, and Jace wouldn't be picking me up for another two hours. With the decision made I was ready to act, so I started to grab my stuff and looked at Isabelle. Sounding more confident then I actually was I said, "Let's go to my house."

Isabelle got up, and followed me out the door.

An hour later, I felt completely drained.

As I got a quick shower, and changed for my date, I thought about what had happened after leaving the coffee shop. When we had gotten to the apartment, Isabelle and I headed straight for my bedroom. We had sat facing each other on the bed with our legs crossed; Isabelle's stele lying beside us. We sat that way in silence for about thirty minutes, and I was about to give up; I wasn't seeing anything. I forced myself to think back to everything Isabelle had told me. I remembered the look on her face as she talked about Max and Jonathen. I lost myself in her despair. It began to swirl around me like a dark cloud, till I felt like I was caught in a storm. Then instantly I saw it. I saw three glowing lines, each on top of the other. They were choppy and chaotic at first, but then just as instantly as they appeared they changed. Three glowing lines, one on top of the other and perfectly straight; Where just a moment ago they had been a picture of chaos, now they were a portrait of tranquility.

Isabelle must have seen something in my face change. "Clary, what is it," she asked.

I reached for Isabelle's stele, looked into her eyes and whispered, "Are you ready?"

"I've been ready, Clary. I just haven't been able to bring my self to ask you."

With that, she had rolled over onto her stomach, and on her right shoulder blade I had put the Mark I called tranquility; hoping all the while that it would do for her what its name implied.

Isabelle left shortly after that, feeling hopeful. She had said that the Mark had no immediate effect, but we knew the real test would come tonight while she slept. After giving her a hug and telling her to call me the next day, she left.

The thought of having to find something to wear brought me back to the present. I looked at the clock and I had just fifteen minutes before Jace would arrive. I walked to my closet and pulled out a pair of dark colored jeans and a light green long sleeved t-shirt. I then blow dried my hair straight and left it hanging. Jace liked it like that. Running into the living room, I threw on my favorite pair of Nike's and saw that I had six minutes to spare.

I went to get myself something to drink when I heard a knock. I tried not to run to the door, but found myself kind of skipping instead. I opened it eagerly, and there stood Jace. Even though it had only been a few hours since I had last seen him, I launched myself into his arms. With all that had happened today I needed to feel his arms around me. Jace pulled away. His golden eyes were sparkling down at me. "I've missed you too, but what's all that for?"

"Can't I just be excited to see my boyfriend?"

"Of course you can; I mean, with me being the boyfriend, how can you not be excited?" He laughed down at me, but I couldn't help but be a little irritated. He knew when he said stuff like that it drove me crazy. That's the main reason he did it.

I gave him a look that told he'd better watch his step, and he held his hands up in mock surrender. "Let's go," I said.

"What time do you have to be home," Jace asked curiously as we walked out the door.

"Not till midnight."

Jace's smile widened. "That's six hours from now, Clary. We can get into all kinds of trouble."

He took my hand, and led me out to the street where he had a cab waiting. "You never did tell me where were going, Jace."

"You'll find out soon enough," he answered.

Thirty minutes later we were standing in Prospect Park at the Bandshell. Every summer the Bandshell hosted free concerts, and most of them were really good. A band called The Firmament was playing tonight. They do covers of nineties alternative bands, but put their own spin on some of the songs. I had wanted to see them, but I can't believe Jace had brought me. This definitely wasn't his scene.

As I anticipated, the band was great. Even Jace seemed to like them. We stayed and listened for a while, but after an hour we both got hungry. We had noticed a hotdog vendor while walking up to the concert, and we made our way back in that direction.

After getting our dinner, which consisted of a couple of hotdogs, chips, and cokes we walked away from the concert and found a patch of grass away from everyone else. You could still hear the music, but its sound was muted, as if it was an echo of sound from a parallel world. I felt as if we were the only two people on earth.

I was lying back on the grass with Jace beside me. I was looking up at the stars and just enjoying the feeling of peace that surrounded us. I felt far removed from the afternoon I had spent with Isabelle.

Jace sat up with his head resting on his hand. His other hand touched the side of my face.

"So, did you like the band," Jace asked.

I turned my head to look at him. He looked so beautiful. "The band is okay, but I much prefer the company." I rolled onto my side and let my hand drift into his hair.

"You know, I was just thinking the same thing," Jace said. His hand drifted from the side of my face to my lips and then skimmed down the side of my neck. I shivered and slid closer. Jace pulled me on top of him and his lips met mine. I was instantly lost; lost in his kiss: lost in his touch: lost in the feel of his heart beating with mine.

**Author's Note: This chapter is done a little early, so here it is. The next chapter is proving to be difficult, so plan on seeing it next Wednesday. If it's early, think of it as a nice surprise. **

**As the story progresses, more will be revealed about what Jonathen did to Isabelle. What she is going through now is just the beginning. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, but good or bad let me know what you think. I'm excepting anonymous reviews, so no excuses. **


	4. Chapter 3

**Authors Note: Just to make you all aware, these characters belong to Cassandra Clare. (Yes, I intended that to be cheesy.)**

**Jace's POV**

I walked through the door of the institute on a Clary induced high. According to the clock in the entrance way, it was 12:40 am. I guess I should have been tired, but I felt full of energy; definitely not in the mood to go to bed.

My stomach growled and reminded me it had been close to five hours since I had eaten anything. The hotdog from the concert wore off a long time ago, so I made my way to the kitchen. Checking the fridge, I saw the makings of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. As I threw it together I thought of Clary. She was convinced I had no culinary abilities; I hated to admit it, but she was right.

I was about to pour myself a glass of milk when I heard the front door slam. A few seconds later, Alec stormed into the kitchen. I think my presence startled him, but he recovered and headed straight for the refrigerator and quickly appraised its contents. "There is nothing to eat in this house," he said irritably. "You were supposed to pick up some food yesterday." He stormed over to the cabinets and rampaged through their contents. "Why am I the only one who shops while Mom and Dad are gone?"

"Because you're the responsible one," I said sweetly. "Everyone knows that."

Alec gave me a look. "I'm not in the mood for you're sarcasm, Jace."

"I'm not in the mood for you're attitude, Alec."

I knew Alec well enough to know he wasn't upset about the lack of choices he had for a midnight snack. It was early for him to be home, so that left one choice as to why he was upset. "Did you and Magnus have a fight?"

Alec sighed. "Yeah," he said sheepishly. "He makes me so angry sometimes. When we disagree about anything he always brings up the age thing. 'Alec, I'm seven hundred years older then you, I know what I'm talking about,' he mocked in a Mangus like voice. "I am so sick of hearing him say that. He needs to get over himself already."

I tried not to laugh, really I did, but the absurdity of the statement was too much for me. I let out a low chuckle, and if not for my quick reflexes I would have been on the floor, because Alec charged me. Instead of slamming into me, he hit the counter hard. Not giving up, he flew at me again. Chaos ensued for the next few minutes as we traded playful blows and just wrestled around. I had Alec penned against the refrigerator when he finally surrendered.

We were both breathing hard when we sat down at the table. As a peace offering, I offered Alec half my sandwich which he accepted.

After a few moments Alec broke the silence. "How was the date with Clary?"

"The band was terrible, but the date was…..great. Clary was great."

Alec raised his eyebrows and then smirked at me. "You're turning into such a girl, Jace."

I laughed at that. "You're calling me a girl when you're so afraid of upsetting Magnus with your lack of fashion sense it took you two hours to get ready tonight." Alec started to interrupt. "Don't try and deny it," I continued. "Every time I walked by your room earlier, you were in a different outfit."

Even though Alec looked extremely uncomfortable with the direction this conversation had taken, I figured I would embarrass him further by adding, "You look great, by the way."

I ducked as Alec took another swipe at me, and then we both started laughing.

We had just sat back down when Alec changed the subject. "Is Isabelle home?"

"Yeah; she came in as I was leaving to pick up Clary."

The playfulness of a moment ago was forgotten. Alec's face was etched with concern. "How did she seem to you?"

"She seemed better, I guess. I asked her if she had plans for tonight, and she said she was going to bed early. I started to ask her if she wanted to go to the concert with me and Clary, but she looked so tired I let it go. Have you talked to her lately?"

"I've tried, but she just keeps telling me she's o.k. She gets upset when I press her, and you know how she gets when she's angry." Alec's expression turned wistful. "It's almost worth making her mad….at least then she's acting more like Isabelle. I miss her," he admitted.

At Alec's words, I felt a surge of anger. All the things that Jonathen had put our family through raced through my mind. My hands clenched, and I wished I could kill him all over again.

"She seems so lost, Jace. I thought that with time she would start to heal, but that's not happening. We need to do something…..I just don't know what to do. I think we should try talking to her again. She's trying to act like she can handle this all on her own, but she can't, not this time."

"We'll talk to her in the morning. If we talk to her together, maybe she'll listen this time."

Alec nodded in agreement.

We got up and started straightening up the kitchen when Alec's phone rang. He looked to see who it was and then walked out of the kitchen. I would only need one try to guess who had just called.

While he was on the phone I started loading the dishwasher and wiping off the counters. Just as I was finishing up, Alec walked back into the kitchen.

"I'm headed back to Magnus'," he said.

I repressed a roll of the eyes….barely; like I didn't see that one coming.

"Have fun," I said lamely.

Alec looked a little embarrassed. "Yeah," he said. "Don't let Isabelle leave in the morning. I'll be home early, but just in case…..

"Will do," I said hurriedly.

As Alec walked out the door, I walked up the stairs to my room. I got ready for bed, and lay down. In the quit of my room, my thoughts drifted to Clary.

Tonight with Clary had been fun. It had been awhile since that happened. It was my fault. I was so focused on Clary's training as a Shadowhunter. It had almost become an obsession. I knew she was getting a little annoyed with me, but how could I make her understand?

More then anything I wanted Clary to be safe, but I knew she wouldn't put up with my over protective nature, and that only left one option. I had to make sure she was trained properly as a Shadowhunter and I wasn't going to wait on the new tutor to arrive (if the Clave ever decided to send one.)

If it were up to me, Clary would never fight another demon. But I knew Clary, and I knew she would never accept that. She would never quit, not even for me. It was one of the reasons I loved her.

But tonight wasn't about us being Shadowhunters. It had been about two people spending time together, having fun, and loving one another.

Clary looked so beautiful tonight. In just a plain pair of jeans and a t-shirt, she was the most desirable girl I had ever seen.

Did she know the effect she had on me? When we kissed tonight, it was instant combustion. I felt consumed by her. It was that way from the moment I first saw her. She consumed my every thought, my every action. Every decision I made was colored with thoughts of her. The feelings I had related to her probably should have frightened me a little, but they didn't. She was what I wanted and what I would always want. The surety of that made me strong. I felt as if anything were possible.

I was starting to feel tired and looked at the clock. It was 2:40 in the morning. I closed my eyes, and with thoughts of Clary drifting through my mind, I went to sleep.

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.

.

I woke to the sound of the alarm clock. I rolled over and groaned when I realized it was just 5:30. I forgot to turn the damn thing off.

I knew I would never get back to sleep, so hoping it would help wake me up, I jumped into the shower. Feeling a little better, I pulled on my gear and went to the kitchen. I grabbed a granola bar and a bottle of water, and made my way to the weapons room.

As I walked in the room, it felt like coming home. I reached for a Seraph blade, named it, and felt it come to life beneath my hands.

A surge of adrenaline flowed through me and I moved through the different training regimes. Time passed, but I felt removed from it as I pushed my body to the limit.

Wanting to test the new abilities I was just beginning to discover, I looked at the small ledge that ran the length of the walls around the room. I jumped twenty feet up in the air and perched lightly there. I felt the sweat running down my face and chest, and used my shirt to wipe it out of my eyes. I jumped down from the ledge, did a somersault and landed lightly in a crouch. At that moment, Alec walked through the door.

"How long have you been at it," Alec asked.

"Since about 6:30; are you just now getting home?"

"Yeah," Alec said. "Have you seen Isabelle this morning?"

"No. She's probably still sleeping."

Alec looked skeptical. "It's nine o' clock, Jace. She never sleeps that late. I'll go wake her up."

I walked out of the weapons room and went to get a bottle of water. I was headed for my room to shower and change when Alec appeared. "She's not in her room, Jace."

"She's here somewhere. Go check the green house and I'll check down here."

I quickly walked through the institute calling for Isabelle. After a few minutes, Alec was jogging toward me with a look of concern on his face. "She's not up there, Jace and she's not answering her cell. Where the hell is she?"

I didn't have an answer for him. Unconsciously, it seemed, we made our way to Isabelle's room. As we got closer, we could hear the alert on her cell phone that indicated she had a voice mail. Alec walked over to her bedside table, picked up the phone, and then we watched, as if in slow motion, a slip of paper falling to the floor. Reaching out to catch it, Alec opened it up. He looked up at me with a horrified expression and whispered two words; "she's gone."

**Authors Note: This was a shorter chapter then my last one, but I felt this was a natural place to end it. There is a lot going on next chapter and it's already up to three thousand words, so I'll be making up for it in my next posting. What do you think happened to Isabelle? Let me know what you think. Good, bad, or indifferent, please review.**


	5. Chapter 4

**Authors Note: These characters belong to Cassandra Clare.**

**Jace's POV**

After Alec's statement, a shocked silence permeated the air. In what seemed like a daze, he handed me the white slip of paper, and sat down on the edge of Isabelle's bed. Reluctantly, I looked down and its contents. Eight words were scrawled across the page in Isabelle's handwriting; _I need to leave, don't look for me._

I glanced over to Alec who was still sitting on the bed with his face in his hands. He was shaking his head in disbelief. "She wouldn't do this," Alec said. "Isabelle just wouldn't run away."

I wanted to agree with him, and I knew for sure that the old Isabelle would not have done this. I didn't want to think that things had become so desperate for her that she would feel that this was her only solution, but it seemed it had. I was holding the evidence in my hand.

I walked over and sat down on the bed. I gave him the only reassurance I could. "We will find her, Alec…..and while we're looking, she'll probably come back."

"We can't assume that, Jace. She's been so upset lately." He paused for a moment. "Why didn't I talk to her? I knew something was wrong. I shouldn't have let her shut me out," Alec said angrily.

"You have talked to her, Alec; so did I. We couldn't have seen this coming, and we're not going to find Isabelle sitting here talking about things we can't change. We need to start looking for her."

"You're right," Alec said. "When was the last time you saw her?"

"I saw her last night when I was leaving to get Clary, so it was around 5:30. She mentioned she was going to bed early, so it didn't seem strange that I didn't see her after I got home. Realistically, she could have left right after I walked out the door, or she could have left after I went to bed last night. There's no way to know for sure."

With a determined look on his face, Alec stood up. "Jace, I'm going to call around and see if anyone's seen her. Send a fire-message to Mom and Dad and tell them what happened. Meet me in the kitchen when you're finished."

I watched as Alec left the room and then made my way to the library. Once there, I took down a piece of parchment. What should I write? I knew there was no easy way to say this, so I chose to keep it simple; you_ need to contact home as soon as possible. Isabelle needs you._

I folded the parchment paper into a square and quickly drew a rune onto the palm of my left hand. The rune was a series of wavy lines that vaguely reminded me of billowing smoke. After finishing that, I placed the parchment on top of the rune and then drew in my fingers making a fist. The moment my fingers were completely closed, the message disappeared. All that was left behind was a tingling sensation in my hand, and a small puff of smoke. The Lightwoods would get the message almost instantly, but depending where they were in Idris, it could be a couple of days before they could get home.

As soon as I finished sending the message, I ran out of the library and down the hall to my room and quickly changed. I knew I needed a shower, but it would have to wait. Alec met me just outside my bedroom door.

"Jace, we need to go to Clary's. She knows something about Isabelle."

"Does she know where she is," I asked.

"I don't know, but when I told her Isabelle had left and asked if she knew anything, she was holding something back. She knows something, Jace; and she is going to tell me what it is, weather she wants to or not."

"You know if Clary knew where Isabelle was, she would tell us, Alec. I know you're frustrated, but don't even think about taking it on Clary. She hasn't done anything wrong."

"You didn't talk to her, I did. If you heard her, you would know what I'm talking about. She sounded like she felt…..guilty about something. I'm going to find out why she feels that way."

Alec turned away from me and started to leave. I grabbed him by the shoulder and made him look at me.

"We'll go talk to Clary, Alec. But keep your attitude to yourself."

Alec stared at me for a moment. He must have heard the threat in my voice, because he gave me a terse nod before heading back toward the door again.

Just before leaving he turned to me again. "Do you have Isabelle's note?"

I reached into my pocket and showed him the small piece of paper. "Yeah, I still have it."

"Good," Alec said. "When we get finished at Clary's, we're going to Magnus'"

Not bothering to wait for me, Alec walked out the door. I had to run to catch up to him.

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.

.

Thirty minutes later we arrived at Clary's. Alec had seethed in silence the entire way here. I hoped he would get control of his emotions on the way over, but it was a vain hope. If anything, his brooding silence had further convinced me that letting him come here, instead of sending him ahead to Magnus, had been a bad idea. I didn't want to fight with Alec, but I wasn't going to let him take this out on Clary.

I watched as Alec knocked on her front door with heavier then necessary blows. A few seconds later, Clary opened up. The moment I saw her face, I knew something was up. She looked me in the eye for a fraction of a second, and that's when I saw it; the guilt that Alec had heard in her voice, was plain for me to see. "Oh Clary," I thought. "What have you done?"

My thoughts were interrupted by Alec's angry voice. "Where's my sister, Clary?"

Clary stiffened her shoulders and looked Alec in the eye. "I don't know," Clary said slowly.

"Bull shit, Clary. You know something, and I want you to tell me…..now."

No way, was I letting Alec talk to her like that. I opened my mouth to tell Alec to back off, when Clary let him have it.

"I'm going to tell you what I know Alec," Clary said in a low tone, "but if you don't calm down, you can leave."

I was glad to see that Clary wasn't going to let Alec run over her. She had shown time and time again she was capable of fighting her own battles. I needed to stop doubting her. I was used to fighting the battles: being considered back-up was a new experience for me.

Taking Clary's hand, I drew her to the couch. "What happened, Clary? Have you seen, Isabelle?"

"Not today; but she came to see me yesterday."

"You're wasting time," Alec said angrily. "If you know something, you need to tell us. We need to start looking for her."

Clary's eyes flashed with anger. "You're not the only one worried about Isabelle, Alec. Stop acting like a crazy person, sit down, and let me tell you what happened."

For the next few minutes, Clary filled us in on what happened the previous day. When she came to the part about marking Isabelle, I heard Alec gasp. By the time she was finished, the expression on his face had turned thunderous; I was a little disturbed myself. Why hadn't Isabelle told us? Before I could say anything, Alec stood up.

"What the hell were you thinking, Clary" he yelled.

"I was thinking about helping her, Alec. She came to me. What else could I do?"

Alec swore. "I'll tell you what you could have done; you could have told her no: You could have come and told us what she was going through: You could have chosen not to put a mark on her unaware of how it would affect her. There were a lot of things you could have done. What you chose to do is put my sister at risk."

By the time Alec's tirade was done, Clary's face was completely void of color. She was holding onto my hand so tightly it was painful.

"Why didn't you tell me about this last night," I asked gently. "I knew something was bothering you, but I thought you would talk to me if you really needed to."

Completely ignoring Alec, Clary turned to me and looked me in the eyes. "I wanted to tell you, but I swore to Isabelle that I wouldn't tell anyone. Please try and understand the position I was in" She turned to Alec. "Isabelle promised me she would tell your parents if things didn't get better, and I believed her."

Alec gave Clary an impatient look. "Well you shouldn't have. You just sat there and told us how upset she was. How could you just give her a mark, and then let her leave to deal with this on her own? She needed all of us."

"But she came to me Alec," Clary said. "Maybe I didn't do all the right things, but I did what I thought was right."

Alec started to say something, but I'd had enough.

"Shut up, Alec; just shut up," I said. "Your accusations aren't helping anyone, and if you don't calm down, I'll throw you out, myself."

I took a calming breath and turned to Clary. "How was Isabelle acting when she left yesterday?"

Clary thought for a moment. "She looked happier then she did when I first saw her at the coffee shop. She seemed…..optimistic." She looked at me with pleading eyes. "Jace, I love Isabelle, but even more then that, I know how much you love her. If I thought for a moment that she was thinking about running, I would have told you everything, but she never even hinted of doing anything like that. It just doesn't make since. Why would she leave the same day she asked me for help?"

I pulled Clary into my arms. She clung to me, and any anger I felt melted away. All I wanted to do was comfort her.

After a few moments, I reluctantly pulled out of Clary's embrace. Not wanting to completely let go of her, I laced my fingers through hers and held tightly to her hand.

Alec chose that moment to speak up. In a voice that was much calmer then a few moments before, he answered Clary's question. "I don't know why Isabelle left, Clary; we'll find that out when we find her. Let's go to Magnus'. It's time to get some answers."

.

.

.

Magnus opened his door and greeted Alec with a huge smile. After registering the expression on our faces, the smile instantly turned into a look of concern. He ushered us quickly into the apartment, but before he could ask what was wrong, Alec spoke.

"Isabelle's missing. I need you to track her."

Magnus was immediately all business. "Did you bring something of Isabelle's," he asked.

Alec handed Magnus the note Isabelle had left. He quickly glanced at its contents and gave Alec a look of sympathy. "Let's get started."

We sat down and watched as Magnus drew the tracking rune onto his open palm. He then placed the note in his hand, and closed his eyes.

Magnus' eyes snapped open. His pupils dilated until the irises of his eyes were completely obliterated. His body began to convulse and he fell hard to the ground.

We rushed toward him and called his name. Alec grabbed Magnus' hand and we watched in horror as the tremors became more violent.

Alec tried to pull the note out of Magnus' clenched fist, but it wouldn't budge. "What's happening, "Alec asked desperately. "What do we do?"

Just as suddenly as the tremors had started, they abruptly stopped. It should have been a relief, but the situation deteriorated even further when blood began to pour from Magnus' nose. I tried to open his clenched fist again and noticed that the white of the paper was red with blood. He was holding it so tightly that his nails were cutting into his hand.

Less then a minute had passed since Magnus had started the tracking spell, but it seemed like an eternity.

While Alec and I were trying to break the spell Magnus seemed to be trapped in, I had failed to notice what Clary was doing. I glanced over my shoulder to see Clary on the floor drawing symbols. In a calm voice that was a stark contrast to the chaos of the moment she said, "Jace, I need your help."

Alec glanced up. "What are you doing Clary," Alec asked. His voice cracked and he had tears streaming down his face. Magnus' eyes were open and rolled back into his head. His mouth hung open as if in a silent scream. Alec stroked Magnus' hair gently; to comfort Magnus or himself, I wasn't sure.

"I'm trying to save his life," Clary answered. "Trust me, Alec."

Clary's voice was strong and sure. It left no room for doubt. She turned to me. "Jace, I need to complete this circle of runes around him. Start at the other side and meet me in the middle."

Working quickly as possible, we completed the circle in less then a minute. The moment Clary placed the last rune, Magnus' eyes closed and his body relaxed. His hands unclenched, and Alec removed the note from his hand. Clary walked into the bathroom and brought out a damp washcloth. She sat down on the floor beside Alec, and began to wipe the blood from Magnus' face.

Alec held out his hand. "Let me do that, Clary."

Understanding Alec's need to take care of Magnus, she handed him the washcloth. With Magnus' head lying in his lap, Alec lovingly removed all traces of blood from his face and hands. When he was finished, he looked up at Clary.

"You saved his life, Clary….and I do trust you; I forgot that for awhile, and I'm sorry."

At that moment, Magnus moved. He opened his eyes and they were filled with confusion and pain. He looked around at us and seemed startled to realize his present position.

Alec was the first to speak. "How do you feel, Magnus? You just scared the hell out of me. Can you tell us what happened?"

Magnus sat up and shook his head as if to clear away whatever remained of his confusion. "A demon happened," he said in a hoarse voice, "and I don't know who wrote that note….but it wasn't Isabelle."

**Authors Note: This chapter is two days late, and I apologize. I had it almost finished; left it for a couple of days, came back to it, and realized it sucked. I was going for a longer chapter, but I was being too descriptive and going on and on about unimportant things. I ended up taking a lot out, and rewriting some things. I've learned a lesson though….longer isn't necessarily better. **

**Also, I want to say thank you to everyone who's reviewed. I eventually respond to everyone, so if you have a question let me know.**

**Do you think Alec was too harsh with Clary? What do you think? **


	6. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: These characters belong to Cassandra Clare. I'm just playing with them for a while.**

_Magnus paused, "and I don't know who wrote that note, but it definitely wasn't Isabelle."_

**Clary's POV**

After Magnus' statement, I was the first to speak. "How do you know she didn't write it," I asked.

Before Magus could answer Alec added, "I know my sister's handwriting, and that was her handwriting on that note.

Magnus gave us looks that clearly questioned how we could doubt his brilliance.

"A tracking spell," Magus answered matter of fact, "tracks a person's essence through and object that holds a piece of their essence. The level of emotion that would have been felt by Isabelle as she wrote that note would have been more then enough to endow it with a small part of her. I know that after my…..performance with the tracking spell you may feel you have reason to doubt me, but I assure you that you do not."

"If Isabelle didn't write it, then who did," I asked.

"The moment I started the spell, I knew that Isabelle hadn't written it. What I tracked wasn't her, it was powerful…..malevolent; it wanted to cause me pain. As soon as I realized what I had connected to, I tried to release the spell, but for lack of a better word I was….trapped. I couldn't release it; as to who actually wrote the note that will take some investigation."

I noticed that when Magnus said the word "trapped", Jace immediately tensed. The look on his face reminded me of a hunter that had spotted prey. His voice was filled with tension when he asked the next question.

"What do you mean by the word trapped, Magnus?"

"I meant just what I said, Jace. Whoever or whatever placed that note in Isabelle's room had a goal in mind. Someone wanted us to find it. They knew we would probably use it to track her, and they intended to kill the person who was unlucky enough to try. Have no doubt; I would be dead if Clary hadn't been here." Magnus turned and addressed me. "Thank you, Clary. I'm in your debt."

Jace, Magnus, and Alec were all looking at me with varying degrees of admiration; I hated every second of it. I could feel a blush forming and tried to quickly shift the focus from me.

"Anytime Magnus," I said quickly, "and I don't mean to doubt you, but demons can't enter the institute; it's impossible. How could a demon get a note into Isabelle's bedroom?"

I could see the wheels of Magnus' mind turning. I noticed that Alec and Jace had similar looks of thoughtfulness as they tried to puzzle out an answer. Silence filled the room for a few moments before Magnus finally spoke.

"This is going to take some study. I will figure out what is happening, but it will take time."

Magnus turned to Alec. "Do you have the note?"

Alec handed him what was left of the torn and bloody piece of paper. Magnus studied it for a moment, before placing it on a small desk covered in spell books and parchment.

"Magnus," Alec asked. "How long before you know something? If your right and demons have something to do with Isabelle's disappearance, we don't have a lot of time. We have to find her."

"There is a spell that I can try, but I need to be at full strength. Right now my strength is…..depleted."

Magnus said the last word almost reluctantly, but we could all see it. His face was still pale, and he had remnants of dried blood in his hair. He looked as if he had been run over by a truck.

"I will take what is left of today to regain my strength," Magnus continued. "I will set a course of action; tonight we will act."

Magnus took Alec's hand. "I will find her, Alec," he said.

We all heard the conviction in his voice. It was a promise that left no room for failure. In that moment, I had complete confidence we would find Isabelle.

I was brought out of my introspection when Jace suddenly took my hand and started pulling me toward the door. He seemed agitated, and I wondered what was wrong.

"I need to get something from the Institute," Jace said; talking to Alec and Magnus. "We'll be back tonight. What time do you plan to start?"

"Plan to be here at ten," Magnus said. "I'll be ready by then. We'll call you if something changes."

Jace paused at the door. "Are you coming with us or staying, Alec?"

There was little doubt in my mind what Alec's answer would be, and I knew Jace did as well.

"I'm staying," Alec confirmed. "I'll see you, later."

Jace gave Alec a nod, and pulled me out the door.

As soon as we were alone, I stopped walking and forced Jace to turn and look at me.

"What's wrong, Jace? Why are you in such a hurry to leave; and don't tell me you left something at home."

Jace looked me in the eyes. I was shocked to see the anger that filled them. He took a deep breath.

"I promise I will tell you," Jace whispered. "Let's just get home first." He paused for a moment seemingly reluctant to continue. "I think I know what's going on. I just hope like hell I'm wrong."

**.**

**.**

**.**

It had been a silent journey back to the Institute. If not for the fact Jace sat beside me holding my hand, I wouldn't have known he was there. He seemed a million miles away.

When we finally walked through the front door, Jace stopped so abruptly I almost walked into his back. There was intensity about him I hadn't seen since we returned from Idris. We had been living in a bubble of happiness; suddenly it seemed to burst.

I took Jace's hand, and led him to his room. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. He had a pensive look on his face. I wondered what he was thinking.

We entered the room and I sat down on the bed. I pulled him down beside me.

"Jace; tell me what you're thinking."

He looked at me. The intensity I saw in his eyes was unnerving.

"Clary, I know what I'm about to say will sound crazy, but I need you to here me out. Will you do that?"

Feeling slightly nervous, I nodded and waited for him to continue.

"When we were at Magnus," Jace began. "He was telling us that he thought a demon was responsible for leaving the note in Isabelle's room…..but that left us with a question; how could a demon get in the institute? I couldn't understand it, Clary. It should be impossible….but it's not."

"Before Valentines attack on Alicante and on the Clave, I would have never believed that he would find a way to overcome the wards. The demon towers had protected us for a thousand years….but it happened, Clary; Jonathen happened."

I started to speak, but Jace held up a finger asking for a moment. He continued.

"….and Isabelle; her dreams were so intense. You described them yourself. These dreams all featured Jonathen and even Isabelle said she wasn't sure what part of the dreams really happened, and what were really figments of her mind. These dreams don't seem normal to me, Clary. Everything seems to come back to Jonathen; everything."

Jace took a deep breath. He seemed to need to center himself. "I think Jonathen is alive, Clary. I think he's responsible for what's been happening to Isabelle."

"But you killed him, Jace. He's not alive. He can't be."

"Listen to me, Clary. Jonathen has demon blood, but he's nephelim as well. He had enough of the Angel in him to fool the wards; it could have happened here as well. I don't want to believe it either, but it's the only thing that makes any kind of sense."

I stood up abruptly and walked toward the door. This couldn't be true. I didn't want to hear what Jace was saying. I wanted to run; from Jace, from the memories of that horrible time, I wanted to run from the truth.

Part of me recognized the truth of Jace's words, even if I didn't want to admit it. Before I could make it out of the room, Jace caught my hand. Turning me toward him, he brought his hands to the sides of my face, directing me to meet his gaze.

"Don't run away from this, Clary. Tell me what you're thinking."

I looked into his mesmerizing eyes and felt my own fill up with tears. I impatiently wiped them away with the back of my sleeve. I would not cry.

"What do you want me to say Jace," I almost shouted. "My demented brother who is responsible for the death of hundreds of people, for tormenting Isabelle," my voice broke "for killing, Max; you're telling me he's alive. I don't want it to be true."

I suddenly felt completely drained. So much had happened. It seemed like a year ago that Isabelle had met me at the coffee shop; it was hard to believe it had been just twenty-four hours.

Jace walked me back to his bed, and pulled me down beside him. We laid facing one another with our legs tangled together, and our arms holding each other close. We both sensed that everything had changed; but for the moment we wanted to lose ourselves in each others presence, and forget the rest of the world.

For a while we laid their just holding one another. Occasionally, Jace would brush a kiss against my hair. The room was quiet; the only sound I could here was the sound of our breathing; I felt comforted.

At some point, things began to change. Jace's lips trailed down the side of my face to hover above my lips. "Clary," he whispered. The feel of his warm breath mingling with mine felt almost spiritual.

I let my hand move up his back to tangle in his hair; it was soft beneath my fingers. I tugged on it lightly to bring his lips in contact with mine. At the same moment, in perfect synchronization, our mouths opened and our tongues touched, and as we deepened the kiss I shivered and Jace moaned. With perfect clarity I realized we both needed this.

For the next few minutes, all I knew was the taste of Jace and the feel of his lips on mine. It was simply heaven; but soon it wasn't enough.

Jace must have felt the same way. He pulled his lips from mine and trailed them to my neck where he began to place soft open-mouthed kisses. I moaned when he licked the spot just below my ear, and I tugged his hair to pull him closer. While he was kissing me I brought my hands beneath his shirt. The feel of his warm skin beneath my touch was amazing.

Abruptly Jace changed our position. He rolled until he was on top of me, sat up, pulled his shirt over his head, and sent it sailing across the room.

He was beautiful. I leaned up and started kissing his chest. I took a deep breath; he smelled so good.

Jace gently pushed me back on the bed. He paused for a moment, looking me in the eyes. His hand that had been at my waist started gently skimming across the skin of my stomach. I had to suppress a moan at the sensations his simple touch were creating.

We stared into each others eyes completely captivated. I felt the tips of his fingers as they trailed from my stomach to just under my bra. Never taking his eyes from mine, Jace continued moving his hand until he was cupping my breast. I had to close my eyes, because the sensation of his touch combined with the intensity in his gaze was too much. In the back of my mind, I knew things were going too far; but a bigger part of me was feeling we hadn't gone far enough.

With that in mind, I pulled my lips from Jace's and sat up. He gave me a concerned look and probably thought he had overstepped my boundaries. I loved him for that, but maintaining my boundaries was the last thing on my mind. His look of concern turned to shock when I grabbed the hem of my shirt. He gaped at me when my shirt went the same way as his; sailing through the air.

We reached for each other at the same time. As I gently touched Jace's chest, his hand trailed across the swell of my breast. He leaned forward kissing the place where his fingers had just been.

Time seemed to slow down for me. When just a moment ago I had felt impatient urgency, I now felt I needed to savor every kiss, every touch, and every taste.

I met Jace's eyes again. The look of love and desire that was shining out of them made me gasp. At that instant, Jace pulled me toward him and kissed me.

I just felt his hands go to the clasp of my bra when the insistent sound of a phone ringing broke through the desire induced haze we were lost in.

Jace pulled away. "I need to get that," he said breathlessly. "It might be about Isabelle."

I nodded and Jace stood up. Words were beyond me at that point, and I watched silently as Jace fished for the cell phone in the pocket of his jeans. He looked to see who was calling, and then walked toward the door. With one last look of apology, he answered the phone as he reluctantly left the room.

What had just happened? Well, I knew what had happened, but it had been like I was possessed or something. I looked down at myself, and was instantly mortified; what had I been thinking? For crying out loud, I was wearing my Sponge Bob bra. Ugh!

I scrambled off the bed and scanned the room for my shirt. I found it in the corner, and put it on as quickly as humanly possible.

I sat down on the edge of the bed and a million thoughts swirled around in my head at once. At the forefront, what might have happened if not for that phone call? Talk about being saved by the bell. The question I needed to ask myself is had I really wanted to be saved. If I was being honest with myself, the answer would be no. I love Jace, and I wanted him. It was as simple or as complicated as I chose to make it.

Unbidden, my thoughts turned to what was to come. Was Jonathen really alive? I hoped not, but what Jace had said made too much sense for me to ignore. I tried in vain to come up with another hypothesis that explained what had happened, but I kept coming to the same conclusion; Jonathen.

I had complete trust that Magnus was correct about who had written the note; and if I believed that, there were few explanations for how the note had gotten into the institute. In fact, I could think of only one.

I put my head in my hands as the reality of the situation became clear to me. I dreaded what was coming our way.

This was the position Jace found me in when he came back into the room. I felt him sit down beside me and then he pulled me into his arms.

"What's wrong, Clary," he asked.

"I was just thinking about Jonathen. If he's alive, he'll never stop, Jace. We're all in danger; and if he has Isabelle….." I let my voice trail off. I couldn't even say it.

"It's going to be o.k." Jace said. "We'll find Isabelle, and I'll take care of Jonathen." His voice turned menacing. "This time I'll make sure he's dead."

I knew Jace was trying to comfort me, but honestly he was confirming my worst fears. A battle was coming; I wondered who the casualties would be this time.

I shuddered and allowed Jace to pull me closer. After a few moments, I finally pulled away.

"Who was on the phone," I asked trying to change the subject.

"It was Alec. Magnus has found something that he thinks will help us find Isabelle. He wants us to head that way." Jace paused for a moment. He seemed to have something he wanted to say, but was having a hard time saying it.

"Clary, I don't regret what just happened between us, but I'm worried that maybe you do."

"Listen to me, Jace. I don't regret any of it except the phone ringing."…..and maybe the bra I was wearing, I added to myself. I knew that my answer had been blunt, but I wanted to leave no doubt in his mind that I had wanted this.

My bold statement seemed to surprise him; but then he smiled. He pulled me to my feet and brought me into a hug that lifted me off the floor. He sat me down, and threaded his fingers through my hair

"We need to leave, Clary; but before we go, I want to do this," and then he bent down and kissed me. I instantly opened my mouth beneath his, and he deepened the kiss. By the time he pulled away, we were both breathless.

Jace rested his head against mine. "I love you, Clary."

"I love you, too," I whispered back.

I looked into his eyes and was surprised to see the devilish glint there. I knew that look. I tensed and waited to see what he would do. I didn't have to wait long.

"Clary," Jace said casually. "I never knew you were a Sponge Bob fan."

I felt a flush spread up my neck, and would have been really pissed if he didn't add. "I think you've made me a fan, too."

With another light kiss, Jace took my hand and led me out the door. How could I possibly stay mad now?

**Author's note: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I debated for a long time on whose point of view to do it from. I finally decided on Clary's because it seemed to flow better. I tried from Jace's Pov first, but I had trouble getting started. **

**If anyone is interested, I'm thinking about posting an outtake of this chapter from Jace's POV. I would do it in my free time, and it wouldn't be as long. Let me know if you'd be interested in reading this chapter or any of the others from a different perspective. I'll try to do it. **

**Also, I just posted a poem called An Ode to Waiting. It's my funny take on what it's like to wait for the next chapter. Right now, I'm reading a story that the author takes about three months to update. Another story, the author hasn't updated since December 08; but enough of my whining. **

**If you get a chance, read and review. Every review is like an early birthday present. Until next Wednesday……**


	7. Chapter 6

**Author's note: These characters belong to Cassandra Clare.**

It was starting to get dark when we left the institute. Neither of us had eaten since breakfast that morning, so we made a quick stop at Taki's and got some take out; we ate it while we walked to the subway station.

Our time on the subway was uneventful. Jace and I talked about what we thought Magnus' plans might be. We also wondered what he and Alec would think about our theory regarding Jonathen. I was anxious to get there. There was a lot to discuss.

An hour after leaving the institute, we were finally exiting the subway. Whenever I walked these final few blocks to Magnus' apartment I always got the feeling I was being watched; it was even worse after dark. I could see curious eyes peeking out from behind curtains and blinds. I knew it was probably just bored people, who liked to stare at the passers-by, or maybe they had some lame neighborhood watch program going on, but it still gave me the creeps.

I wondered what those people would think if they knew the things they really had to worry about couldn't be seen. Lucky for them, most would never find out.

Since leaving the subway station Jace and I hadn't talked much. We were quietly making our way to Magnus', holding hands, lost in our own thoughts. To anyone looking, they would think we were just an ordinary teenage couple on a date. I guess in a way they were right. We are a couple, but instead of going on a date we were going to our friend the warlocks house to look for our other friend who had probably been kidnapped by a demon. I grimaced; when had my life gotten so weird?

Jace must have noticed my expression.

"What's that look for," he asked.

"Oh, I was just wondering when my life had gotten so weird; but you don't have to answer that, because I already know the answer."

Jace grinned down at me. "I'm pretty sure it was about the same time you met……"

His voice trailed off and his body suddenly tensed. He reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a Sensor. It was vibrating, alerting to demon activity. I looked up at him.

"Where is it coming from," I asked.

"It's a strong signal, Clary. Whatever was here is still in the vicinity." He paused. "I want you to go to Magnus' and send Alec."

My answer was immediate.

"No way. If you want Alec's help, your coming with me to get him, but I'm not just going to leave you here alone; forget it."

"I can't leave, Clary. I can't allow whatever that is to get away. Please, just do what I ask."

I knew that this wasn't the time to get in a big debate with him about trusting me and my abilities, so I kept it simple.

"Jace, while we are standing here arguing, that thing is getting away. I am not leaving you, so you have two choices: Come with me to get Alec, or stay and let me help you."

Jace glared down at me. His eyes were shooting gold flames, and I knew I was pushing him, but what was the use of him busting my ass over the past month if he never intended for me to use the training he was giving me?

"Fine," Jace said. "But stay behind me; and for the Angel's sake Clary, don't do anything reckless."

"Fine," I answered glaring back to him. "You better not do anything reckless either."

He rolled his eyes, grabbed my hand, and then led me across the street. Once there he glanced down at the Sensor. He let go of my hand and signaled for me to get behind him.

"Pull out your blade," he whispered.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a tube like object that I hopefully wouldn't have to use. I watched as Jace did the same.

Up ahead about twenty yards was an alleyway to the right. It looked as if we were headed in that direction.

Jace placed the Sensor back into his pocket.

"We're going into that alley," Jace said pointing. "Stay behind me, stay alert. We don't know what's in there. The moment we step between the buildings name your blade, and be ready to fight."

I nodded and followed closely. As soon as we stepped from the lit sidewalk into the darkness of the alley I whispered, "Sanvi", and watched as the glass like glowing blade appeared. Even after all this time I was still a little awed at the sight.

We walked silently, scanning our surroundings continually. We had gone about twenty feet when we saw it. A Ravener demon was coming from behind a dumpster and was headed straight toward us.

Its scaly body was muted in the semi-darkness, but the memory of the last one that had attacked me at my old apartment was fresh in my mind. I felt momentarily sick thinking of how it had felt against me as I had fought for my life.

Jace was running toward it with his blade outstretched when it attacked.

It moved so quickly it was almost a blur, but Jace was faster. Before it could even get close enough to try and sting him Jace had flipped through the air, came down behind him and shoved the blade through the Ravener's skull. I watched as it shriveled and finally disappeared.

"That was quick," I stated.

"Yeah," Jace agreed. "I wonder what it came for. Who sent it?"

As soon as the question had left Jace's mouth, we got the answer. Walking from the entrance of the alley appeared to be a man. He was dressed in a way that made him appear as if he might be a member of the Hell's Angels. He swaggered toward us; A smirk on his face.

"Who knew it would be so easy," he asked with a chuckle. "And I thought you would be smarter then this. What a disappointment."

I glanced at Jace. If looks could kill, the Demon would already be dead.

"The evil, gloating thing has been played out," Jace said menacingly. He took a step toward the demon. "Maybe instead of gloating, you should start begging."

At that moment, I heard a noise from behind. I glanced around and saw as another demon dropped from the roof to land twenty feet behind me. Jace noticed as well. Swearing, he looked from one to the other assessing the threat. I did the same. The new one, like the first, appeared to be a man who had just got thrown out of a biker bar. And like the first one, he had the same cocky grin.

I planned on wiping it off his face.

My thoughts of kicking demon butt were interrupted by the sound of Jace's voice.

"What do we owe the pleasure of this visit," Jace asked. His voice sounded nonchalant, but I knew better. I could hear the effort it was taking to keep his anger under control. "I know it isn't a friendly visit," he added.

Never taking my eyes off the new guy, I listened for the answer.

"We want you dead," the demon stated. "It's not personal, just business," he paused for a moment. "I take that back," he added. "It's also pleasure."

In that instant, everything was thrown into madness.

I heard the demon's body come into contact with Jace. I turned to see if Jace was okay, and in that moment of distraction I felt something hit me. I fell down hard and tried to roll to take some of the impact of the fall, but before I could do anything he was on top of me and I was on my back staring into black eyes filled with hate. Instinct took over and I brought both feet up and kicked with all my might. My opponent flew off of me and hit the ground hard. I jumped up and tried to bring my blade down into his chest, but he rolled away from me. He swept an arm out and pain sliced through my leg as his razor like claws pierced my calf. He pulled my leg out from under me and once again I was on my back.

I wanted to glance around to check on Jace, but I fought the urge. I was in a fight for my life.

I jumped up as quickly as I could and noticed the demon had done the same. It grinned at me and beckoned with a razor tipped finger for me to come and get him; I obliged.

Feigning a move to the left, I went instead to the right. Knowing that he would think I would go for the kill, I instead went for his legs. He fell to the ground with a howl of pain as I cut the back of his knees almost completely through. He lay face down in the dirt howling. He pushed himself up on his arms and tried to crawl away. Before he got too far, I stood over him and brought the Seraph blade down stabbing him through the back. He convulsed on the ground his black blood pooling around him, and then folding in on himself he vanished.

I immediately looked to see if Jace needed help. Jace had the demon on the ground with the end of his Seraph blade pointing at his throat. Jace's hair was matted with sweat, and blood was running down the side of his face from what looked to be claw marks, but other then that he looked fine; he also looked enraged.

"Who sent you," Jace shouted.

"I will tell you nothing, Shadwhunter; so kill me now."

"You'll wish for death when I get done with you, Demon."

Jace almost spat the last word. His voice was filled with venom. He pushed the blade into the demon's neck a little deeper. The demon winced, but looked unafraid.

"The only thing I'm going to tell you Shadowhunter is your days are numbered. Enjoy this small victory."

With those final words the demon grabbed hold of the blade, howling with pain the moment he touched it. He then pulled down with enough force to cause the blade to push completely through his neck. Demon blood spurted from the wound and Jace and I looked on with shock as the demon began to twitch and smolder.

It was in that moment of complete distraction that I saw it; a dark shape in the form of a man dropping silently from the nearby roof. It landed in the space that separated me from Jace, and Jace was completely oblivious to the new arrival.

For just a second the demon seemed to glance from me to Jace as if deciding who he wanted to take on first. I knew he had made his choice when his gaze sharpened onto me, and with unbelievable speed he leaped toward me.

Several things happened in the next minute.

As the demon leaped, he changed. For a split second I saw a man, in the next I saw a huge tiger whose teeth were exposed and aiming for my throat. I was held paralyzed with shock. My brain simply could not process what I was seeing; that moment of hesitation was all he needed.

I screamed Jace's name, but it was too late.

I felt the weight of the huge cat as it slammed into me; I felt the teeth as they bit into my neck; I felt its hot breath against my face as it breathed heavily in and out.

Then as quickly as the tiger was on me, it was being pulled off.

I heard a howl of rage, a short struggle, and then all was silent.

Jace's face was suddenly above mine. It was filled with fear and horror. I picked up my hand and touched the side of his face, and then it fell limply beside me. Why did it fill so heavy? I tried to tell him I was okay, but nothing would come out.

"Clary….please…God." Jace sounded desperate. "I've got to get you to Magnus. I've got to pick you up. I'm sorry."

Jace gently picked me up . I could tell he didn't want to hurt me, but all I felt was numb; I wish there was some way for me to tell him.

As Jace walked, he kept looking down at me; his tears mixing with the blood that was on his face. I wanted to comfort him, buy I had lost control of my body; I felt disconnected from it. I could tell Jace was talking to me, but as the seconds passed his voice seemed to come from farther and farther away.

Everything I knew was suddenly enclosed in that one moment. The feel of my heart pounding against my ribs; the trickle of blood flowing from my neck; Jace's voice telling me he loved me and begging me to be alright. This was all I knew. These were the things anchoring me to this world.

Then suddenly it felt like a steel vice was squeezing my chest. My heart began to speed up, and Jace's voice faded until only the memory of it remained.

My anchors had been cut; I was adrift. Everything faded to black, and then I knew nothing at all.

**Author's Note: I want to say thanks to all of you who are sticking with this story. I've had almost 1000 hits on it, and that blows me away.**

**Also, I'm resorting to bribery. If you take the time to review (good or bad) I'll send you a sneak peek of the next chapter to show my appreciation.**

**So what did you think of this chapter? **

**On a personal note, I want to say Happy Birthday to my sister and best friend. Love ya, Rach.**


	8. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: This chapter doesn't start out right where the last one left off. It goes back to Clary's attack and shows it-and subsequent events-from Jaces' POV. **

**Once again, these characters belong to Cassandra Clare.**

I looked down in disbelief at the demon who had just taken his own life, when I heard Clary scream my name. I turned just in time to see the tiger slam into her body with so much force that she was pushed at least six feet from where she had just been standing.

I always heard moments like these described as happening in slow motion, but for me it took place in fast forward; too fast for me to prevent it…… too fast for me to save her.

Quicker then I could even register the thought of moving, I was on the demon's back. In the form of a tiger he probably outweighed me by five hundred pounds, but for all the effort it took me to rip him away from her, he might as well have been a kitten. I was enraged.

I had pulled the demon with such force that he flew at least twenty feet through the air before slamming to the ground. He lay sprawled on his side, his chest heaving. One moment he was a tiger, but in the next he was a man. He jumped to his feet, and I leapt at him. I had to kill him fast. I needed to get back to Clary.

But I was surprised once again by what he did next. Instead of engaging me in battle, he leapt straight into the air onto the roof of the building beside us. I looked up in time to see him lean over the side, wave good-bye and then dart away. Every extinct I had as a warrior urged me to follow, but the part of me that was just a man didn't want to waste another moment in the shadows. I needed to be with Clary. I needed my light.

I ran back to Clary's side and what I saw left me devastated.

Her body lay twisted and broken. She had two large puncture wounds on either side of her throat and a series of smaller holes that were left by the tiger's teeth. The ever growing pool of blood that her head was lying in looked like a macabre halo. Her eyes were wide, but her body unmoving. She wasn't making a sound.

The shock of seeing her that way broke me. I fell to my knees beside her and gently brushed the hair from her face.

Clary's eyes were squinted. It was like she was trying to see me from across a great distance. Her hand came up and I felt the faintest touch as her fingers brushed against my cheek, before her arm fell limply back down to her side.

"Clary…Please…God," I whispered. "I've got to get you to Magnus."

I quickly took out my steel and completed the healing rune on Clary's arm. It barely slowed the flow of blood.

"I've got to pick you up. I'm sorry."

Slipping my arms beneath her knees and back, I gently lifted her until she rested against my chest. I didn't want to hurt her, but her lack of reaction to the movement scared me more then if she had screamed out of pain. It was like she couldn't feel anything.

We were less then two blocks away from Magnus, and I moved as quickly as I could. She was loosing so much blood.

I looked down at Clary. She was staring up at me with her beautiful eyes, and somehow she was keeping me centered. I began to talk to her. I told her how much I loved her and reassured her that she would be okay. In the process, I was also reassuring myself. I willed her to stay with me. I promised not to let her go.

It seemed as if I had been walking for miles, but in fact it had only been a few minutes. I was at the door to Magnus' apartment building when Clary's eyes widened, then rolled back into her head. I watched in horror as her eyelids fluttered shut and she drew in one last shuddering breath. Then everything went silent.

Knowing I didn't have time to wait for Magnus to let me up, I kicked through the front door. I ran up the stairs screaming for Alec to open the door. He must have not heard, because I had to kick it in as well. I screamed for Magnus as I made my way inside.

I laid Clary down in the floor and started CPR. Magnus ran in from the next room, took one look at Clary and ordered Alec to call 911.

"What happened," Magnus asked urgently.

Doing chest compressions, I answered him.

"Eidolon demons," I said. "Do something, Magnus. Save her," I begged.

Clary was not responding, and with every second that passed I knew our chances of bringing her back to us lessened.

"Get back, Jace," Magnus said. "Let me help her."

He didn't have to tell me twice. I stepped away from her feeling completely shell shocked.

"They're on their way," Alec said as he walked back into the room.

He came over and put a hand on my arm. I shrugged him off. I didn't want that from him.

Alec stepped away from me with a look of sympathy on his face. I'm glad he didn't try and say anything. He knew me well enough to know I didn't need reassuring words right now; I just needed Clary to be all right, and he couldn't give me that.

I watched silently, every muscle of my body tense, as Magnus knelt beside Clary and started drawing Runes in the air. Each one glowed with silver light and hovered over Clary's chest. After drawing three symbols quickly, Magnus started circling his hands around the symbols moving them faster and faster till they formed a ball of energy that pulsed with power. Putting his hand above it, he suddenly shoved it down into Clary's chest where it seemed to be absorbed. Clary immediately took a deep breath; then another. She was breathing on her own.

With a wave of his hand Magnus produced a white gauzy substance and started applying it to Clary's neck.

"She's going to be alright now, isn't she," I asked.

Magnus didn't look up, and continued to work.

"She's lost a lot of blood, Jace. There has been a lot of trauma to her neck. I'm worried their might be some damage to her trachea. I've got her stabilized, but theirs only so much I can do. I can't replenish her blood. That is something they will have to do at the hospital." He paused and seemed to weigh his words carefully. "You need to call her mother, Jace."

I felt like Magnus had just punched me in the stomach. All the air left my lungs, and for a moment I gasped for breath. His words were hard to hear, but they were the truth. I heard everything he intended me to, even the things he hadn't said. Clary might not make it.

"Alec," I said. "Please, call Jocelyn and tell her Clary's been hurt."

I was surprised when I heard my voice. It sounded hollow. I felt hollow. This couldn't be real.

I walked in a daze to Clary's side and knelt down beside her. Ironic that here I was again; twice in one night. She's the only person who could ever bring me to my knees.

Magnus had cleaned some of the blood from her face, but her hair was still saturated with it. Her skin was so pale it had taken on a translucent quality and I could see the network of veins that crisscrossed beneath her skin. I reached down and gently took her hand. It was cold to the touch. How could she still be alive?

I laid my hand across her chest and lost myself in the beat of her heart, and the rise and fall of each breath she took. These were the only things that mattered.

Suddenly, Clary's breathing began to quicken and my hand was violently pulled from hers as her body convulsed violently.

"Jace, get out of the way," Magnus ordered.

I stood quickly and stepped back. In the distance I heard the sound of the ambulance that was coming for Clary. Would it get here in time?

As Magnus worked furiously to save Clary's life, every moment spent with her flashed before my eyes. Every look, every touch, every feeling passed through me with the force of a hurricane. But in the aftermath, it didn't leave the peace that comes after a storm; it left nothing but rage and it was a thing so powerful I felt my body tremble with the force of it.

I looked at Clary's broken body and knew that I couldn't stay here a moment longer.

Giving no explanation, I turned and walked out the door. I could no longer hold Clary, so I held onto the rage instead. It comforted me, it gave me a purpose. Someone was going to pay.

I was halfway down the stairs when a hand clamped down on my shoulder.

"What are you doing," Alec asked intently.

I shoved him off me and walked away from him. He wouldn't stop me.

"I'm going to find who did this, and I'm going to kill it."

Not sparing Alec another glance, I continued down the stairs and out the front door onto the sidewalk. The blue and red lights of the ambulance danced on the side of the building. Paramedics rushed by me with a gurney. I knew they were going to help Clary, but I wouldn't let them distract me from my purpose.

I rushed away from the apartment moving farther away from the nightmare that was taking place there. Part of me wanted to go back, but I clasped tighter to the rage. I would not go back till this was finished. I couldn't.

I heard footsteps behind me and suddenly I was on the ground. Alec loomed over me; his face determined.

"Get off of me," I growled.

"Jace, come back. If you leave like this, you're going to regret it."

My voice was filled with bitterness when I answered him.

"The only thing I'm going to regre-that I do regret- is not keeping Clary safe…Letting that…..thing hurt her….letting it get away. I can't help her right now, but I can make sure that thing pays. I can make sure it never hurts her again. Now let me up, Alec. I don't want to hurt you, but I will."

My voice was hard as steel. Alec knew I was serious. It showed in the sudden look of weariness that crossed his face. He decided to change tactics.

He stood up swiftly and offered me his hand. I ignored him and hopped to my feet. I turned away and made my way hurriedly down the sidewalk. Alec followed close behind.

"If you're going to do this, Jace I'm coming with you," he said simply.

I knew that Alec felt he needed to follow me if for no other reason but to save me from myself. It was a role he had once played frequently and one he was familiar with. But I didn't need him in that way anymore. I just wanted to make this right the only way I knew how.

Ignoring Alec, I pulled out my sensor and turned into the alley. There was only a trace reading of demon activity even though just minutes ago this place had been crawling with demons.

Alec walked silently behind me on alert. I knew the danger had passed, but I hoped to find some clue that would help me understand what was behind this attack. So much of it hadn't made sense.

Looking around, I quickly realized there was nothing here to find, so I started working my way back to the entrance of the alley and hoped I could pick up the demon's trail. I was just a few feet from the entrance when I slipped on something wet and fell to the ground.

At first, I didn't understand what it was I had slipped on; but then the realization hit me. I was surrounded by Clary's blood.

I leaned over and threw-up. As I was repeatedly sick, it felt like all the rage was being purged from my body. When I was finished, I felt empty. I drew my knees up to my chest and put my head down. What was I doing?

Grabbing my hair, I balled my hands into fists and screamed. This was pointless. Clary was fighting for her life and I was out here looking for what; answers: demons: revenge?

I could kill a million demons and it wouldn't undo what had happened; nothing could.

I felt Alec's hand on my shoulder. I slowly got up and turned to him.

"I need to be with Clary," I whispered.

How could I have left her?

My emotions were raw. My voice was hoarse, but Alec understood. Never letting go of my arm he drew me away from the place that was so filled with tragedy. The moment we were out of the alley, we both ran back to Magnus'.

We arrived just in time to see Clary being carried toward the ambulance. Magnus was walking beside her and he looked unbelievably weary. Had it just been this morning that Magnus had almost died?

Yes; just a few hours ago Clary had save his life. Now, he had just saved hers.

Running up beside the gurney I turned to the paramedic.

"Can I ride with her," I begged.

He eyed me with suspicion.

"Are you a relative," he asked.

Although I had hoped to never say this again I was desperate to be with her.

"I'm her brother."

He eyed me again and took in my appearance.

"You were the one there when the dogs attacked her," he asked.

So that was the cover story.

"Yeah," I answered.

"Come on then. Ride up front. By the looks of ya, you need checkin out too."

He climbed into the back of the ambulance with Clary, and I ran to the front and got inside.

The ambulance started to move and I turned to look in the back. Clary was lying on the gurney. She had an IV and they had inserted a breathing tube. Why did I ever leave her?

I didn't know if she could hear me, but I needed to try and let her know I was with her.

"Clary, I'm here."

And I wasn't leaving her side again.

**Author's Note: Sorry this is a day late, but lightening took out my internet so I couldn't post it. I live in Florida which is the lightening capital of the U.S. That seriously sucks sometimes. **

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I hope ya'll liked the preview and same goes for this week. If you review, I'll send you one. **

**Also, to Imi: Thanks for you're review, but it wouldn't let me PM you with the preview. **

**Once again, thanks for reading. And if you have any question you can ask and I'll get back to you. **


	9. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: These wonderful characters belong to Cassandra Clare, but the drama that's about to ensue belongs to me.**

**Clary's POV**

The first thing I noticed when I opened my eyes was the brightness of the room. Even though it was dark except for a muted light above my bed, its reflection on the stark white walls and ceiling provided enough illumination for me to realize I most definitely wasn't waking up at home.

I tried to look around, but the moment I made the attempt pain shot through my neck.

In a reflex action, I lifted my hand to my throat and felt bandages. I also noticed the I.V. that was inserted into the back of my hand. I realized immediately I was in the hospital. What the hell happened to me?

As I went to place my hand back on the bed, I felt something soft brush my arm. Using just my eyes, I looked to see what was beside me and realized what I had felt was Jace's hair.

He was sitting in what looked to be a very uncomfortable vinyl green chair that he had pulled up beside me. His head was resting on his arms which were folded on the bed. He was asleep.

"Jace," I tried to say, but it came out as barely a whisper, and the unexpected pain I felt when I tried to speak made me gasp and that only intensified the feeling. It felt like a hot poker was being shoved down my throat. It was agony. I felt tears fill my eyes and tried to blink them away; I hated to cry.

Knowing there was no way I could get his attention like that, so I decided to change tactics. Lifting my hand I ran my fingers through his hair. I was only attempting to wake him up, but the gesture also soothed me. I took a moment just to enjoy the feeling of touching him.

Just when I thought I might have to resort to hitting him over the head, I felt his body begin to stir. I watched as he slowly lifted his head, stretching as he sat up. At first, his eyes were unfocused and dazed looking, but then he noticed I was awake and his look turned to shock.

"Clary," he whispered. He placed his hand in mine and kissed the back of it gently. "You're awake."

Jace was looking at me like he hadn't seen me in a year or like he expected me to disappear any second. I had so many questions racing through my head, but they were all being drowned out by the one thing I could no longer ignore.

"Jace," I tried to whisper. "I hurt."

Once again, the pain was ratcheted up the moment I tried to speak. I had never felt pain like this before. I felt powerless against it. I had no control over the tears that filled my and started running down my cheeks. I felt so weak.

Jace reached up and brushed the tears from my face. His eyes were filled with concern.

"I know, Clary. Try not to talk. I already pushed the call button-the nurse should be here soon."

Jace glanced away from me to the other side of the room. I followed his gaze and saw my mom lying in a recliner next to the window.

"Jocelyn," Jace said. "Wake up. Clary's awake."

His voice was filled with so much relief it made me wonder exactly how long I had been out.

I saw my mom sit up and her eyes sought mine. The moment she realized I was awake, her eyes filled with tears and she leapt out of the chair and ran across the room.

"Mom," I tried to say, but it came out as a small gust of air. It was painful, and the result was hardly worth the effort. I probably should have learned my lesson my now; talking equals pain, but I needed to say it. Saying her name made the fact she was here seem more real.

She reached up and brushed the tears from my eyes. I didn't realize I was still crying.

"Shh Clary," my mom whispered. "Try not to talk. It's going to be okay."

What is it about hearing that from your mom that makes you believe it's true? It's like no matter old you get, you trust your mom to make it better.

"I'm going up to the nurse's station," Jace said suddenly. "They should have already got here." He leaned down and gently kissed me. "I love you, Clary. I'll be back in a few minutes."

I watched as he walked out the door and then I looked back at my mom. She had an odd smile on her face.

"That was very hard for him you know….giving us the alone time," my mom said. "He hasn't left your side for the last four days."

My eyes widened. Four days; I had been here four days? It didn't seem possible. My mom must have seen the look of bewilderment on my face.

"Yes, Clary…It's been that long. There were times we didn't think you were going to make it. Magnus told me you stopped breathing twice before the ambulance got to you." Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears. "I thought I was going to lose you, Clary."

I started to reassure her that she wasn't going to lose me, but she placed her hand gently over my mouth.

"Don't try and talk," she reminded me.

"I know you probably have a lot of questions, Clary. Do you remember anything that happened?"

I thought for a moment, and at first I drew a complete blank. It was disconcerting to realize that I had no knowledge of what had put me here. Unconsciously, my hand drifted to my neck.

"Clary," I heard my mom say. "Let it go. It'll come back in time."

But I couldn't let it go. I wanted to remember. I needed to…..and then suddenly I saw it; what looked to be a man transforming before my eyes, screaming for Jace, and the feel of teeth biting into my neck. It all came back to me and I gasped. Isabelle. Oh my God. Isabelle.

"Where's, Isabelle," I asked desperately and pain shot through me again with the force of a lightening bolt, but I didn't care. It had been four days. What happened? Had she come home? Had they found her? All I could feel was the building panic, and the unrelenting pain.

I started gasping for air and when I couldn't seem to get enough I started to cough. The pain was unbelievable. I wanted it to stop.

I felt my mom grab hold of my shoulders.

"Clary, calm down," I heard my mom shout, and I tried. I really did, but the panic had set off a train reaction I had no hope of controlling.

I saw with relief that a nurse had just run through the door with Jace right behind her. She had to make it stop…she just had too. I watched as she put a needle into the shunt of my I.V. and then I instantly felt the pain start to ease, and my body begin to relax. Darkness once again was closing over me, but this time I didn't fight it…I welcomed it.

* * *

The next time I opened my eyes, I knew immediately where I was, and I remembered everything. My neck was stiff and a little uncomfortable, but the unrelenting pain was gone. It was now something I could deal with. It was manageable.

I looked around the room and saw my mom standing at the window looking out over the city. She looked pensive. I could only imagine what she had been going through. It was time to try and put her mind at ease.

"Mom," I said with trepidation. I didn't know how much talking would hurt, and was relieved to feel it was so much better.

My mom turned and walked over to the bed. She looked anxious.

"The doctor told us you should wake up today, but I don't think I really believed it until now." She took my hand. "Are you in pain?"

"It's much better."

I reached up and touched my neck. The bandages had been removed, but I could feel they had placed stitches on both sides of my throat. I also felt a series of small pot marks around my neck. I wondered vaguely if they would leave scars.

"What's wrong with me, Mom," I asked.

"Are you sure you want to do this right now, Clary? Maybe we should wait."

"No…I want to know what's been going on. I hate not knowing what's going on with my own life. I need to know."

My mom looked skeptical, but reluctantly she began.

"You're much better now, but when they brought you in, you were critical. You had lost a lot of blood and you needed a transfusion. I told them you had a rare blood type, and they transfused you using my blood. It was the only thing I could do for you. It wasn't much, but at least I could do that."

My mom's voice had taken on a painful edge, and she paused to take a deep breath. It was hard to tell what she disliked more; me hearing what had happened or having to talk about what had happened.

"Besides the bites on your neck the doctor said your larynx was bruised, and because of the injury your larynx swelled, cutting off your airway.....they had to intubate you…..You were on a respirator for three days, Clary; unconscious the entire time."

My mom glanced at me to make sure I was okay with hearing all this and then she continued.

"Even after you came off of life support, it was another day before you woke up. Do you remember what happened the last time you woke up?"

I nodded. There was no way I could forget that kind of pain.

"That was two days ago, Clary. You've been asleep since they sedated you. The doctor said it was just a healing sleep, but we were all so worried." She gently brushed the hair out of my eyes. It was a gesture of comfort that helped center us both.

And I needed that comfort. I could hardly believe what my mom was telling me. I had been here six days. I almost died. I couldn't even begin to process that, so I filed it away. My premature, almost death, wasn't something I wanted to dwell on. I hated to think what Jace would be like now. He was over protective before.

The moment I thought of Jace, I was wishing he was here. I remembered him being here before. I wondered where he had gone.

"Where's Jace," I asked curiously.

She hesitated.

"He was here, but last night he stepped out. He'll be back this morning."

I knew my mom was keeping something from me, but I let it go. If Jace didn't show up soon I would ask her about it again, but I'd rather wait for Jace and talk to him.

I decided now was the time to get some answers while I still could. My voice was already starting to give out, and I definitely didn't want to make it worse by using it too much.

"Have they found Isabelle," I asked.

"No, Clary. We haven't."

I noticed my mom stressed the word, "we". I could feel a lecture coming on. Now I knew I was out of the woods.

"Clary," my mom asked. "Why didn't you tell me what was going on? You had no way of knowing what you were dealing with, and you almost got yourself killed."

My mom's voice had gone from sounding angry to sounding hurt. I definitely preferred the anger.

"Mom…." How could I explain? "We had just found out that morning that Isabelle was missing. I was planning on telling you that night after we left Magnus', but……" I trailed off weakly. What else could I say?

"But you never made it home," my mom continued…."because you almost died. Next time, come to me. I know that you're not my little girl anymore, but I do have more experience in this life then you do. I hope next time you choose to take advantage of that experience."

I knew my mom was hurt, and I understood why.

"I'm sorry Mom," was all I could say. She had been through so much the last few days. I hated that I had hurt her.

"It's alright," my mom said quickly. She bent down and kissed my forehead. "I love you, Clary. It's just difficult for me to see you so immersed in a life I never wanted for you. I've just wanted to keep you safe, and to see you like this…..it's hard."

I understood what my mom was saying, but I also knew we had already talked about this. Her wishing I wasn't a Shadowhunter wasn't going to make it so. It's who I am, and I wouldn't change that, even if I could.

Instead of getting into a debate about it, I changed the subject.

"Have the Lightwoods come back." I asked.

"Yes, they have. They got back two days ago. So much has happened."

For the next half hour my mom tried to fill me in on everything I had missed over the last six days. A lot had happened. It was almost overwhelming.

The Lightwoods had come back long enough to talk to Jace and Alec about what happened to Isabelle. They were devastated. Wanting to do everything they could to try and find her, they had made the decision to go back to Idris and try and petition the Clave for help. While they believed Jonathen was alive, they knew it would be difficult convincing others. My mom's voice hitched when she mentioned Jonathen. I could only imagine what she had been going through. Learning Jonathen was alive at the same time I was so injured must have been terrible for her.

"Clary…." My mom hesitated. "I've made a decision, and I hope you can understand why I have to do this. If Jonathen is alive, I have to stop him. I've got to go to Idris and help convince the Clave this is happening. I'm responsible for Jonathen and I've go to try and make this right. I can't allow him to do anymore; to hurt anyone else."

I hated that my mom blamed herself for Joanthen. I knew it would do no good to try and convince her of that, so I didn't try. This was something she was going to have to figure out herself, but I did wonder what had been said to my mom to convince her that Jonathen was alive? I decided I would ask Jace about it. I had another question for my mom.

"When are you leaving," I asked.

"I'm not going to leave until you're out of the hospital. Magnus has agreed to let you stay with him. I know this is a lot to take in, and I'm sorry for that. If you need me to stay, I will……but I need to do this. Will you think about it?"

I nodded, not knowing what to say. Of course, I understood. But I just didn't think I could talk about it anymore. I felt tired and overwhelmed.

My mom smiled and squeezed my hand.

"I'm going down to the nurse's station to ask when the doctor will be in. I'll be right back."

I closed my eyes, and listened as the sound of my mom's footsteps became more distant. I was exhausted. I had a feeling my mom had given me a very watered down version of the last few days, but I could only feel grateful to her. I don't think I could take in anymore information right now.

As if my body knew it needed a reprieve, I felt myself sliding into the oblivion of sleep. I welcomed it.

* * *

A week later I was sitting in Magnus' living room completely pissed off.

I had been out of the hospital for three days now, and I felt a lot better physically. It would be another couple of weeks before I got my stitches out, but the doctor had reassured me that I would only have two small half inch scars on my neck and the smaller bite marks wouldn't leave anything permanent. As the doctor explained this, he kept looking at me like he expected me to freak out at the thought of being scarred up, but of course it never happened. I was just happy to be alive.

I still felt a little weak, and I was still sleeping a lot, but I felt stronger everyday. The doctor was supposed to release me for normal activity in a few days, and I wanted to start training and helping with the search for Isabelle as soon as possible.

My mom had left yesterday for Idris and last night was my first night staying with Magnus. I was waiting for Jace to get here and psyching myself up for the battle I knew was coming.

Even though it had been a week since I had regained consciousness, I still knew next to nothing about what had happed while I'd been injured. Anytime I would start asking questions, I would get vague answers and the requisite, "Don't worry about that now, and just concentrate on getting better."

I was feeling very frustrated.

Last night I had gone to bed early and had woken up to the sound of angry voices.

I had gottne up and walked quietly over to the doorway and listened. They were talking about me, and I heard Jace say there was no way he was letting me do it… (whatever It was)…and that if Magnus mentioned it to me, that he would make Magnus regret it.

I shuddered when I heard Magnus answer in a menacing voice, "Don't threaten me, Jace."

Alec had quickly calmed things down out in the living room, but his words did nothing to ease my anger and frustration.

I'd had enough; enough of the half truths, the secrets, the coddling….all of it! It had to stop.

Knowing I had needed to calm down, and preferring to have this talk with him alone, I slipped back under the covers and bided my time.

The time had come sooner then I had anticipated.

Alec and Magnus had gone out this morning, and Jace was on his way over. He had no idea what he was walking into.

A few minutes later there was a knock. I felt my body tense, but made my way to the door. I knew we needed to talk, but I felt like I was walking to the gallows. I didn't want to fight with Jace. Things had been so great between us, could I really do this?

Yes, I could. He needed to see me as an equal. I wouldn't accept anything less.

I opened the door and was met by Jace's smile. As soon as he saw my expression, it turned into a look of concern.

"What's wrong, Clary? Are you in pain?"

I fought hard not to roll my eyes. He was constantly asking me that lately….another thing I was getting tired of. I got right to the point.

"What does Magnus want me to do for him, Jace?"

I watched as his whole body tensed. He looked at me wearily.

"What do you mean," he asked.

I rolled my eyes. So this is how he was going to play it.

"Don't play games with me.. I heard you and Magnus last night. I'm tired of you keeping things from me. What is going on?"

My hands were clenched at my sides and I was desperately trying not to lose my temper.

Jace stared at me for a long time, probably trying to assess my mood. He finally answered.

"Magnus found something in the Book of White that he thinks will help us find Isabelle. But it's not a good idea, Clary. It's dangerous, and it breaks our laws. I hate to think about what the Clave would do if they ever found out what we did. It's not worth it, and I won't let you do it. I won't"

"You won't let me do it," I repeated. My voice was quiet, but my tone was beyond angry. "Since when do you tell me what I can and cannot do? I thought we were past all this. What is wrong with you?!"

Jace's eyes were shooting daggers at me.

"You want to know what's wrong with me." Jace took my hand and pulled me to a spot just right of the door. "You know what this is, Clary. This is the spot where I watched you bleed, Clary. The place where I watched you die." Jace's voice was fierce. "I can't let you put yourself in danger again."

My answer was immediate and devastating; to both of us. I felt tears fill my eyes. I couldn't have stopped them if I tried.

"I'm not going to be less then who I am…..not even for you, Jace; if you can't accept that…..then I can't do this. You have to let me go."

Jace looked stunned. He held my hand tighter.

"Clary, I don't want you to be less then who you are. You're everything to me. Can you please try and see this from my side? What if it had been me who almost died? What would you want me to do?"

I thought about it for a moment, and then answered. I laid everything on the line.

"I would want you to do your duty....not only to the Clave, but to yourself. Of course I want you to be safe. The thought of something happening to you….I can't even bear it. But I know you, Jace. You would never be happy sitting on the sidelines….and I would never ask you to."

I watched as Jace's face turned to stone and all expression was wiped away. It had been a long time since I had seen that look, and I'd hoped to never see it again. His voice was hard as steel when he replied.

"Then I guess I'm just a selfish bastard, because that is exactly what I'm asking you to do. This has been my whole life, Clary. This is all I've ever known, and you've been doing this for what; three months? It's not the same, Clary. I'm not going to stand here and watch as you put yourself in danger over and over again. I can't do it," Jace said with finality. "I won't."

I stood in shocked silence as Jace turned and walked out the door. This couldn't be happening.

I would never have believed when this day started that this is how things would end up. I can't believe he just walked out. We love each other. I know we do. How had this happened?

I stood there for what seemed like hours and let our conversation replay through my mind. At first I felt numb, but finally the reality of the situation hit me. It was over. He was gone.

My knees suddenly felt weak, and I sat down on the floor. I brought my knees up to my chest, laid my head down and cried.

Almost two weeks ago, on this very spot, Jace had watched me bleed and come close to death. It was ironic that here I was again... not bleeding this time, but feeling like I was dying nonetheless.

**Author's Note: O.k. guys. This chapter was probably not what you expected, but I felt it needed to be done. I didn't expect this to happen when I first started writing this chapter, but it just seemed like this is what would really happen. If you disagree, you can let me know. **

**So all of you who got a preview and are wondering what the hell happened I want to clear the confusion. You did get an actual preview, but it's for the next chapter instead of this one. What I just posted was almost 4,000 words. I was planning on that being a part of this chapter, but it just got to be too long, so I ended up dividing the chapter. **

**Review and I'll send you a preview. Thanks for reading. **


	10. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: These characters belong to Cassandra Clare.**

**Clary's POV**

After the heartbreak, the numbness set in. It was like my body knew just how much pain I could tolerate, and once I reached that point my mind just shut down. The feeling sort of reminded me of the drug induced haze I had felt so often while in the hospital. Except this time, it was natural and it was welcome.

Slowly, I got to my feet. I felt like a sleepwalker; one foot plodding in front of the other unsure of my destination. A moment later, I realized I had reached the couch. I sat down and let my mind drift in a sea of nothingness… knowing for the moment that was all I could handle.

How long I sat there I didn't know, but at some point I must have drifted off to sleep, because the next thing I knew the sound of the door opening was waking me up. I sat up in time to see Magnus walking towards me with a concerned look on his face.

"Clary, what's wrong," he asked anxiously.

His concern (although well meant) instantly rubbed me the wrong way. It was an irrational feeling. He wasn't the one who tried to baby me all the time. So I took a deep breath and tried to give him a reassuring smile.

"Nothing I can't handle," I answered "but I do need to talk to you"

His concerned look changed into one of curiosity. "What about," he asked.

I hesitated, not really knowing how to start the conversation; then decided to start by admitting I had eavesdropped.

"Magnus," I began. "I overheard you and Jace arguing last night…… What were you talking about?"

Magnus' gaze was unfathomable as he stared at me. His cat like eyes seemed to be reading me in a way that was slightly unnerving. I wondered what he was seeing; a weak human girl or a shadowhunter strong enough to handle whatever he was contemplating sharing with me? I waited anxiously for him to answer.

"If you heard us talking Clary, you know that Jace doesn't want me to talk to you……:

I started to interrupt. This wasn't about Jace.

"But," Magnus continued. "I don't agree. I know that no one has really talked to you about what has happened while you were in the hospital, and I understand their reasoning, but the time for sheltering you from the truth has passed. Are you ready for the truth, Clary? I can assure you, it's not an easy one to hear."

I took in Magnus' serious expression and a feeling of dread flowed through me. I hesitated for a moment and then nodded silently.

Magnus nodded back to me and started to speak.

"As you know, two weeks ago you and Jace were attacked. What you don't know, is that was just the beginning. Ever since that night there has been a rise in demon activity the likes of which I've never seen in this city. Three days after you were injured Alec was attacked by an Eilorn demon- only one, but it gave the same message to him that the other one had for Jace. He told Alec, "Your days are numbered."

"The attacks on humans have risen also, and it's been challenging to try and be everywhere we need to be."

I interrupted, "Why doesn't the Clave send shadowhunters to help? Why would my mom leave if she was needed here?"

"Clary, it's going to take some time to tell you everything; be patient," he chastised.

I nodded, and Magnus continued.

"Four days ago…….Jonathen appeared in Idris. He and a few demons attacked a group of Shadowhunters. I wasn't there, and I can only tell you what is being told to me, but the attacks are becoming more frequent and the Clave have their hands full. They're still repairing the damage from the battle with Valentine, the demon towers are still not fully repaired, and the wards are simply not as effective as the towers were. Things are pretty desperate for them right now. They're not really worried about what's going on in New York, and Isabelle is a very low priority for them.

I felt an immediate flash of anger.

"But Magnus," I protested. "Don't they see this is all tied together? If they find Isabelle, they find Jonathen; or at least they have the opportunity to find out more about what he has planned. How can they be so shortsighted?"

"I agree Clary, but it has been two weeks….and they have reason to believe that it's too late for Isabelle. The Clave is focusing on protecting Idris. In fact, they've called for all Shadowhunters to return to Idris."

One thing Magnus had just said jumped out at me, and I focused on it.

"Magnus," I asked reluctantly. "Why do the Clave think Isabelle's….dead?"

"Before I answer that question I want you to know that despite everything, I disagree with them. I know that this will be difficult for you to hear, but please hold on to that. There is still hope."

I nodded, and silently waited for Magnus to continue.

"A few days ago a box was delivered to me…..and in the box was Isabelle's hand."

I felt the blood rush from my head, my heartbeat doubled, and I felt myself start to hyperventilate.

I felt Magnus grab my shoulders.

"Clary, calm down. You are strong; show me your strength now."

I focused on Magnus' words, and used them to try and find my center. I had no control over my heartbeat, but worked hard to focus on my breathing. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out; for a full minute I didn't let myself focus on anything but that.

"Good, Clary…..good," Magnus whispered.

"I'm okay," I was finally able to say.

I refused to let myself dwell on Isabelle and what Magnus had just told me. I let the information flow through me instead of letting it stick. I new it was avoidance at its worst, but I needed to understand what was happening. It was the only way I would be able to help find her.

"Please continue," I begged Magnus.

He eyed me speculatively. "If you're sure," he stated.

"I'm sure," I said.

"Clary, you can only imagine what Alec and Jace were feeling when I had to tell them. At first, they both believed that it meant she was dead, but I convinced them otherwise."

"How, Magnus; how can you be so sure she's still alive?"

"Because of her blood," he stated simply. "Her blood was tainted, Clary. I think that Jonathen is poisoning her with demon blood. Why would he be doing that if he was planning to kill her?"

I gasped as I was suddenly thrust into the memory of sitting across from Isabelle at Java Jones. (Had that just been two weeks ago?) I could see Isabelle's tear filled eyes as she told me about her dreams, about Jonathen cutting her, and saying he had plans for her. It all started to make sense. And for the first time I felt a spark of hope that what Magnus had said might be true; Isabelle might still be alive. I would continue to believe that.

"Clary, what are you thinking," Magnus asked.

I quickly told Magnus about Isabelle and me meeting the day before she disappeared. As the story continued, Magnus looked more and more astonished.

"Why wasn't I told about this sooner," he asked.

"Jace and I were going to tell you everything the night we were attacked, but with everything that happened I guess no one has thought to say anything."

Magnus looked grim.

"I understand, but so much time has been lost. If we hope to save Isabelle, we must find her soon."

"Exactly what will the blood do to her," I asked.

"Clary, demon blood to an average human acts as poison. It would kill them…slowly or quickly depending on the exposure, but they would die. But with Nephelim, it's different. It transforms them."

"Think for a moment about what you're mother went through when she ingested the demon blood given to her by Valentine. She had nightmares, felt like she was going insane; and that was just a small amount she drank. It was not enough to transform her, but look what it did to Jonathen. If Isabelle's dreams are accurate, she was given blood directly into her bloodstream…..the effect will be similar to what happened to Jonathen."

"But Magnus, how did she withstand it for so long? It had been a month since we had gotten back from Idris, and what your describing…..it just wasn't happening to her."

"I can only speculate," Magnus said. "But I think it's because it only happened the one time. Isabelle, like all Nephelim, has the Angel's blood. The two bloods cannot coexist. The moment they came into contact one would try and overcome the other. Obviously, the demon blood was losing its hold on Isabelle. With time, I think she could have recovered….That's just something we'll never know.

"Why would he have done this Magnus," I asked him.

"I don't know Clary, but think about it. Jonathen was completely confident that he and Valentine would win the conflict that was ahead. He probably intended to finish the process he started…and that is the only reason he left her alive."

Magnus seemed to weigh his next words carefully before he continued.

"Clary, you need to understand that Isabelle has suffered....that she is still suffering. What she shared with you (I believe) is just a small portion of what she was going through. She is very strong to have held on. We can only hope that her strength is serving her now as well."

For a moment guilt washed over me. How could we have not seen her suffering? We shouldn't have let her push us away. But I knew that guilt was a wasted emotion right now. I pushed it aside.

"What do you need my help with, Magnus. How can we find her?"

For the next hour, Magnus explained his plan to me. I grew more and more concerned as it was laid out. I now understood why Jace had been so reluctant to do this. Summoning a demon was definitely not a Clave approved option. But we were running out of time. Reluctantly, I found myself agreeing to try.

"Clary," Magnus said. "I will be doing this, but I need you there to act as a safety net. The demon I encountered when trying to track Isabelle was very powerful. I'm more prepared for him this time, but I may need your help Also, their will be a point in the ritual where you will have to create a rune of release. I will tell you more about it befrore the ritual begins.

"I think your overestimating my abilities, Magnus."

"I don't think so, Clary. You're more powerful then you know."

"Jace doesn't think so," I said before I could stop myself.

Magnus looked at me speculatively for a moment, and finally spoke.

"No Clary…that's not true. Jace does trust you; I just don't think he trusts himself."

"What do you mean," I asked.

"He's afraid of losing you, Clary… Jace isn't used to being afraid, and I don't think he's handling it very well. But don't make the mistake of interpreting that as him thinking you're weak, because his admiration for you shows every time he looks at you."

I appreciated what Magnus was trying to do, but I couldn't think about Jace right now. I needed to focus on Isabelle.

"So when are we going to do this," I asked.

"Tonight," Magnus answered. "I need to prepare, and we need to go over the finer points of what will take place. Now that you've agreed, I need to let Alec and Jace know."

"Why, Jace," I asked. "He told me he wouldn't watch as I put myself in danger. He also said the Clave wouldn't approve. There is no way he's going to come."

I could see Magnus turning over what I had just said. I could tell he knew something had happened between Jace and me, but he didn't ask about it. He understood me enough to know I wouldn't want to talk about it.

"Clary," Magnus replied. "I thought you knew him better then that. He'll be there; I can guarantee it."

"Plus," he added. "We need them there… because if things go wrong, they will be the only ones there who can save us."

* * *

The hours passed quickly, and before I really had time to dwell on what was to come, it was time to go. We were meeting up with Jace and Alec at an abandoned warehouse just a few blocks away. We had an hour before we were going to begin, but we still had to set things up, and that would take some time.

I watched with fascination as Magnus drew the pentagram out with an ordinary piece of white chalk onto the concrete floor. He was just making the outline, because it had to be carved into the concrete floor. I was surprised when I learned from Magnus that just drawing it out wasn't enough; in much the same way that Shadowhunter Marks couldn't simply be drawn- it to must be embedded to be effective.

After helping Magnus finish up, we stood waiting for Alec and Jace to arrive. I wasn't convinced that Jace would come, and part of me hoped that he wouldn't. With everything that had happened this afternoon, I had been able to avoid dwelling on what had happened between us , but to see him….I didn't know if I could take it. I needed to be wholly focused on what would be happening over the next hour; I couldn't allow thoughts of him to distract me.

Hearing the door open, I turned and watched as Alec and then Jace walked in. So Magnus had been right; he had come.

I turned around facing away from them. I wasn't ready for any kind of conversation- or confrontation -with him. It was not the time or place. But as much as I wished I could be oblivious to anything but the part I was about to play in the coming ritual, I couldn't help the feeling of despair that washed over me and the tears that filled my eyes. Even though we were no longer together, I still felt the tug of an invisible cord that seemed to pull us toward each other. Part of me wanted to cut the cord, but a bigger part wanted to let it pull me to the place I knew I belonged. It was a painful contradiction.

I heard footsteps behind me and then a hand touched my shoulder. I quickly wiped the tears out of my eyes, and turned around to see Alec.

For the first time since leaving the hospital, I really looked at him. He looked so tired. His eyes were sad. He looked like a person who had the weight of the world on his shoulders. I knew that's probably how he felt.

"Thank you for helping my sister, Clary. I know it's been difficult for you," he said. His eyes momentarily shifted to the right; quickly casting a glance toward Jace.

"I love Isabelle," I said. "I want to help her, too…." I hesitated, not sure if I should continue. "Magnus told me what happened while I was in the hospital. I'm so sorry."

Alec's face went white. "I'm trying to just focus on finding her. I can't think about him doing that to her. She's going through hell because of that sick….." Alec trailed off and abruptly walked away. His pain was palpable and it was a terrible thing.

"Are you ready," I heard Magnus call.

Nodding my head, I walked over to the pentagram and looked around.

We were each standing at one of the cardinal points; north, south, east, and west. Jace was standing right across from me and I tried to avoid his eyes; it just seemed easier somehow if I wasn't looking at him.

Magnus drew my attention when he started giving us last minute instructions.

"As you know, I have a sample of Isabelle's blood. While I still believe that Jonathen has Isabelle, I don't believe he is still giving her his blood; he knows that would give us too much power over him. I believe that he has somehow brought demons to his side, and to rescue Isabelle we must do the same."

As Magnus spoke, my eyes were drawn to a white cloth he was holding in his hand. I noticed the dark brown stains, and realized with horror I was looking at the mixture of Isabelle and the demons blood. I quickly looked away and tried not to think about where he had gotten the sample. It was just too horrible.

"The Book of White has shown me a way to control a demon in much the same way that Valentine did using the Mortal Cup. I will summon the demon to us using his blood to do so. I will trap him here and we must glean as much information as we can. Clary, I trust you to do this."

I looked intently at Magnus. Something wasn't making sense.

"Why do I need to speak with him, Magnus; you're going to be here."

"Yes I will, Clary; but unfortunately I will be indisposed. You see, the Book of White says there is only one way for me to trap and control a demon without the Mortal Cup; I must act as the vessel to hold him here."

I looked quickly at Alec, and immediately knew that he and Magnus had already discussed this. Their was no way that Alec would have that calm, accepting look on his face if this was as much as a shock to him as it was to me. Magnus was going to allow a demon to possess his body, and Alec had agreed with this. It was completely crazy.

Suddenly, I heard Jace.

"What the hell, Magnus? Is this some kind of Joke?" Jace then turned on Alec. "How could you have agreed to this?"

"Because it will work, Jace; I know it will. We're going to do this. It's up to you to decide if you're going to stay or not."

Alec's words were blunt. Jace stared at him for what seemed like ages, before he looked at me. I couldn't read his mind, but so much was said with that look. He was asking me to leave, but I couldn't. He must have seen my answer, because with a sigh of resignation I knew his answer as well. He was staying, and I felt immediately relieved. Until that moment, I hadn't realized how tense I had become.

"Clary, as soon as you get the information, you must apply the Mark we discussed. Alec and Jace, you must stand ready to kill it….You will have only a small window of opportunity. The moment the demon is released we will no longer be in control of him. If he makes it back to Jonathen….the consequences will be dire."

I looked at Alec and Jace and saw them standing with their blades at the ready. The soft glow that the blades were emitting somehow comforted me. I knew I was safe even in this crazy situation.

I watched as Magnus stepped into the center of the pentagram. I clutched my stele to my side like it was a talisman, and tried to shove down the fear rising in my chest.

I stood outside the pentagram and watched nervously as Magnus raised his hands and started the ritual.

I looked away and met Jace's eyes; they were troubled. I'm sure that mine mirrored the same emotion.

Was this the right thing to do? We were Nephilim; children of the angel. It felt wrong to align ourselves with demons. But we were quickly running out of options. How much time could Isabelle possibly have left before it was too late? And though I didn't want to admit it, I couldn't deny the feeling that it probably already was.

Magnus suddenly started to speak. It was a language I had never heard before, but I knew what it was. It was the demon language. Over and over again, Magnus said the same words; "_Itcha naw cochepali"_

It started out slow and rough, but as the moments passed, his voice grew louder, and his voice faster, until you could no longer discern one word from the next.

For a few moments, nothing seemed to change. Then all of a sudden, everything changed.

Sparks of electricity began to flow from thin air into the tips of Magnus' raised hands. His eyes began to glow, and I fought hard to suppress the shudder that suddenly ran through my body. The edges of the pentagram began to glow, and then flames momentarily burst forth, filling the air with the acrid smell of smoke.

Suddenly a black shapeless figure hovered over Magnus' head. For an instant, it seemed to be trapped in the electrical current. Then as if traveling into a conduit, it was propelled directly into Magnus' body, and everything went quiet.

Everything was exactly how it had been before the ritual began with one glaring exception; Magnus was no longer here. His body was, but his essence….his soul had departed from him. In its place, there was something truly evil.

There the body of Magnus stood; face devoid of all emotion, mouth slack, and eyes as black as pitch.

A gravely voice filled the room. The sound reminded me of two boulders grinding together. It was inhuman; and it was coming from Magnus.

"Do you know who you have summoned," it asked.

I stepped forward, trying to display an air of confidence I didn't really feel. Ignoring his question, I asked one of my own.

"What do you know about Isabelle Lightwood?"

**Author's Note: Hope this started to answer some of your questions. This was kind of a transitional chapter….and things will start moving at a faster pace now. **

**Next chapter will be from Jace's POV.**

**Sorry this chapter was so late, but I just started a full time job and I am moving my posting days to Sundays. The next chapter WILL be posted Sunday the 27****th****.**

**Also, I've started writing an outtake from Isabelle's POV as to what's been happening to her. It's a one shot that will end with Jonathen removing her hand. If you're interested in reading that let me know. If there is enough interest I will finish it.**

**Till next time….toodle doo. **


	11. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: Cassandra Clare owns all…..except for the crap I made up.**

**Jace's POV**

I heard as Clary asked the question we all wanted to know the answer to, and wondered for the hundredth time since I got here why I wasn't putting a stop to this insanity.

Just five days out of the hospital, and she was once again putting herself in danger.

If the situation wasn't so serious, it would have been laughable.

Clary's tone when she addressed the demon reminded me of a school teacher addressing an unruly pupil. She had this air of confidence that was amazing to watch. To anyone else she would seem the picture of calm, but I knew better. Her eyes gave her away. When she got nervous, she always narrowed them. She was doing it now.

Her confident tone was in direct contradiction to how she looked. At barely five feet tall, she looked even smaller standing in the emptiness of the warehouse. Her skin was paler then normal from being in the hospital causing the stitches in her neck to stand out. She had lost almost ten pounds making her seem even more fragile then normal. I felt as if any moment she could just disappear. Yet here I stood taking part in this craziness when all I wanted to do was pick her up and get her out of here.

Knowing that was no longer a possibility, I stood tense and listened for the demons reply to Clary's question. I didn't have to wait long.

A roar of anger filled the air. The sound was made even worse because it somehow it was emitted from Magnus' drooling, and unmoving lips.

"You dare to question me," the demon asked. "Do you know who you have summoned," it asked once again.

Clary stepped forward, moving even closer to Magnus' body. I held my blade tighter. What the hell was she doing?

"I don't care who I've summoned," Clary answered. "I'm asking the questions here. If you know anything about Isabelle, tell us now."

The demon seemed to completely ignore what Clary had said.

"I am Deionon. I am pain," the demon intoned. "You will suffer, just as your friend suffers."

I tensed and glanced toward Alec. Was he thinking the same thing I was? It must be talking about Isabelle. Could this actually work? Would we finally get some answers?

I watched as Clary took another step forward.

"You don't have any power here," Clary said. "You can't hurt us. Where is Isabelle Lightwood?"

"You are correct about one thing, little Nephelim. It's true I can't hurt you, but that doesn't mean I have no power. For the moment this body is mine and I can do with it what I wish. Right now…..I wish it to hurt."

For a moment nothing seemed to happen, then suddenly Magnus' eyes begin to glow an eerie red. His face remained completely blank, drool steadily running down his chin and his chest, and then our already screwed up situation took a turn for the worse. Magnus started sweating, but the sweat was red.

Every visible surface of his skin was dotted with beads of blood. It quickly started to run in rivulets down his face and neck painting the collar of his shirt a sickly shade of crimson. It was like a seen from a horror movie.

Before Alec and I could react, Clary closed the gap between her and Magnus' body. She went to grab his hand, but the blood had made it so slick it slipped out of her grip. Looking determined, she grabbed for it again this time holding tight.

What was she doing touching that thing? I stepped forward to pull her away, but she stopped me with a look.

"I know how to fix this, Jace. Don't interfere."

I stopped in my tracks. That's right; she didn't want my help. But I knew that if that thing hurt her, it was dead. If I had to take Magnus out with it, I would; consequences be damned.

I watched as Clary took her stele and drew a pattern onto the palm of Magnus' hand. The second she was finished the eerie red of his eyes returned to black, and the demon screamed in rage.

"What have you done," it bellowed.

Clary let the hand fall out of her grip and took a step back. I knew it was only one step, but at least it was in the right direction. Now if only she would add about a thousand more.

"I've just bound you. You won't be able to hurt him again," Clary said with authority. "You will answer my questions, and then you will be released. Where is Isabelle Lightwood?"

Clary's voice seemed to be daring the demon to defy her, but I wondered if it were really possible for us to get any real answers from it. My thoughts were answered with what the demon said next.

"I am tethered by stronger bounds then the ones you and the warlock have created for me. Release me now."

Clary stepped forward, and grabbed Magnus' other hand. What was she doing now?

As she used her stele to Mark the demon, Clary spoke.

"Do you know what this is," she asked casually. "This is a rune of truth. As long as this Mark lasts, you will feel compelled to answer my questions truthfully. You will now speak freely."

For the first time since this had started, the demon sounded frightened.

"Don't make me tell you. If I speak of these things….."

Clary didn't let him finish.

"Where is Isabelle Lightwood," she repeated.

The demon screamed; not in anger or frustration, but in pain.

Magnus' body fell to the floor and began to writhe in agony. His flesh started to turn black and smoke started rising from his body. The demon seemed to be vaporizing in front of us, but it was taking Magnus with him.

"Clary…," Alec screamed and started to step toward her. I didn't know what he was going to do, but I wasn't waiting around to find out. I grabbed him by the shoulders, and attempted to stop him. He was strong, and he was trying to fight me off; holding him back was becoming increasingly difficult.

"Clary," I said urgently. "If you're going to do something….now's the time."

Clary addressed the demon.

"Deionon; I will release you, but answer the question. Where is she?"

Clary sounded desperate. Magnus was still, but the demon screamed in agony. She had to release the demon or Magnus would die. We all knew it.

The demon screamed again and then in a voice we could barely understand said, "In a river of grass, on an Island of trees."

I knew what was coming next, so I released Alec. Even though what the demon had said was cryptic at best, it was something to go on. We were out of time. My body tensed, and I got ready to strike. As soon as Clary released the demon it rose up from Magnus' body. For a moment it hovered still screaming in agony, and then it rushed at Clary. With every ounce of strength I possessed, I flew at the demon with my blade outstretched. I brought back the blade and in one sure motion brought it down on the demon cutting him in half. The two pieces fell on either side of Clary only inches from touching her. Her face looked completely blank. I wondered briefly if she was in shock.

I watched as what was left of the demon started to smoke and shrivel until nothing was left. For the first time sense this nightmare had started, I felt unsure. I wanted to go to Clary, but I didn't know if I'd be welcome.

Slowly, I let my gaze wonder over her body looking to make sure she was alright. Our eyes met, and she quickly looked away. I hated this. I wanted to walk over and pull her out of this place so we could talk….so I could make her understand, but now wasn't the time.

Reluctantly, I turned from Clary back to Alec and Magnus. Magnus was still lying on the floor, but his head was now cradled in Alec's lap. They were staring at one another, and I was grateful to see that Magnus seemed alert. For a moment back there, I thought he might not make it.

I felt Clary walk up behind me, and we both knelt down beside Magnus.

"I don't know how you feel Magnus, but you look like hell."

I was trying to lighten the atmosphere a little, but I was also telling the truth. Magnus had dried blood covering every inch of exposed skin. His skin while no longer black was a grayish color that made him closely resemble a corpse. The places where Clary had Marked him were blistered and oozing. The Marks were not Shadowhunter Runes and I wondered where Clary had learned them. That would be something to ask about later.

Alec was shooting me a dirty look, but Magnus let out a weak laugh.

"The good thing about you Jace, is we can always count on you to tell the truth…even if it hurts."

I glanced at Clary and noticed how she tensed at Magnus' words. Did she see me that way?

Clary's gaze momentarily met mine. Her green eyes were filled with hurt and confusion, and I knew I was responsible for that. It seemed like all we could do was hurt each other. I hated it, but I didn't know how I could fix it.

Alec looked around and shuddered.

"Let's get out of here," he said. "We have a lot to talk about, but I don't want to do it here. I don't know about all of you, but I've had enough of this place."

I quickly got to my feet, and helped Alec lift Magnus up. Clary walked ahead of us as we made our way to the door. With Magnus it was slow going, and I wished there were a way to speed things up. I was tired of this place as well.

* * *

Even though we were only a few blocks from Magnus' apartment, it took us almost and hour to get there. It was slow going, and we often had to stop to let Magnus sit down. Clary had gone ahead of us and even though I hated that she had gone on her own, I knew there was nothing I could do about it. She was going to do what she wanted. I no longer seemed to factor into her decision making process.

The buzz of Alec and Magnus' conversation barely registered. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't block out what Clary had said to me earlier. When she had overheard my conversation with Magnus last night she had jumped to the worst possible conclusion; that I wanted to change her…to run her life. I admit that I had thought that Magnus was out of his mind for wanting to do this- and that was without knowing anything about the whole possession thing- but she had completely over reacted. When she had first confronted me I had tried to stay calm, but then she started acting like everything she had been through was no big deal; like it was something I should just get over….. I just lost it. I had never been so angry with her. I never thought I could be.

I wondered if she could even begin to understand what it had been like for me. I had stood by helpless as she suffered in the hospital. She had died in my arms. Then just three days after getting out of the hospital, Magnus had wanted her to put herself in danger again. Why couldn't she understand that I just wanted him to wait; that I thought it was too soon for her to be involved in something like that. It had also been too soon for _me _to see her in that kind of danger.

Because when I boiled it down, I knew that was the real issue. With everything that had happened, I had just needed more time; time for the memories to become less stark in my mind, and time for her to lose that look of brokenness that still clung to her.

I guess I should have told her all this, but it was like the Seelie Queen had said, "Love makes us liars." It had been easier for me to make it about her, then to tell her the truth…. That I felt raw, and wounded. Not in the physical sense, but I was hurting nonetheless. I hated feeling this way. I hated feeling weak. Part of me wished I could just turn it off...just stop loving her, but I knew that was the one thing I could never do. A lot of things I believed in were up for grabs, but not that; never that. Clary was my constant.

We came to a stop and I realized that we had arrived at Magnus' apartment. We made our way slowly up the stairs, and I saw Clary at the top of the stairs with the door open.

"I heard you coming up," she explained to us.

We hauled Magnus over to the couch and Alec helped him lie down. He was still covered in blood, but looked stronger then he had a few minutes ago. My anger at him suddenly exploded, and I didn't care if he was ready to hear it or not. He had no right to put us in that position.

"Do you know how irresponsible that was, Magnus? That little stunt could have ended badly a hundred different ways. You told us enough to get us there, but you didn't tell us everything. You had no right to do that; none."

I was totally pissed. What had started out as an admonishment had turned into a tirade. I was shaking with the entinsity of my anger. What right had he to do that to us? Alec may have been in on it, but Clary and I certainly had never signed on.

Before I could take a breath, Alec was in my face.

"He did what I asked him to do, Jace. He did what was necessary to find Isabelle. You may have been distracted lately, but I haven't forgotten what's happening to our sister… even if you have."

I heard Clary gasp, but it seemed like it was coming from far away. Everything…my hearing, my sight, my thoughts were being filter through a haze of rage. How dare he say that? I lunged at him, but was stopped as silver sparks erupted between us pushing us both to the floor. I looked over at Magnus and saw his face twisted with anger.

"Jace, Clary…Could you please leave Alec and I alone for a few moments?"

Magnus' words sounded completely calm, but there was a look in his eyes that didn't leave room for argument. I stood up and tried to reign in my emotions. I looked down at Alec, but he avoided my eyes.

"This is finished," I said to him.

"It is for now," Magnus said quickly. "I asked you to leave us alone."

I nodded at Magnus and looked over in time to see Clary enter the guest room. I could either wait outside or follow her. I knew what I wanted to do, but I didn't know if it was a good idea.

Magnus seemed to read my mind.

"Don't be stupid, Jace. There's enough pain to go around right now without the self inflicted kind. Go to her."

* * *

I pushed the door open slowly half expecting her to throw me out the moment I walked in. But instead of her anger, I was confronted with her tears. Clary was lying down across the bed, her face buried in a pillow, silent sobs wracking her body. She didn't even notice I was there.

I can't describe what seeing her like that did to me. I couldn't get to her fast enough. I didn't think about what her reaction would be, or that I was supposed to be angry…… I just reacted. Clary needed me, and for the moment it was that simple.

I sat down on the edge of the bed, and Clary looked up at me. For a moment she stared at me with tear filled green eyes, and then she was in my arms.

We had both been so angry. I probably should have been shocked that she was reacting to me this way, but for the moment I just enjoyed the fact she was in my arms again.

"He cut off her hand, Jace; how could he do that to her?"

Clary's words were muffled against my shirt. I wished I had the words to comfort her, but nothing I could say would make this better.

"Jonathen is evil, Clary. He wants to make her suffer. To him it's probably just eye for an eye. She took off his hand….so he took hers. The only way to stop him is to find her. And though I hate to admit it….I think tonight went a long way in doing that."

I meant my words to be an olive branch. The question is, would she accept it.

Clary pulled away from me. She looked slightly embarrassed, and in what looked to be an attempt to put some distance between us she scooted to the head of the bed. She leaned back against the head board and rested her chin on her knees. Her body position was defensive. I hated that she felt like that with me…like she needed to protect herself.

I knew we had argued, but I never really felt like it was over. I knew we loved each other, but maybe love wasn't enough. Maybe this was something we couldn't get past. I couldn't stay in this state of limbo for another second. I needed to know what she was thinking.

"Clary… is it really over between us?"

I don't know what I expected, but I didn't expect her anger.

After a minute of silence, I met her gaze, and it was filled with fury.

"Why are you asking me," she asked with barely controlled rage. "You walked out on me, remember. We could have worked it out, but you just walked out like we didn't even matter. I only wanted you to treat me with the same respect….give me the consideration that you give Alec or Magnus. I wanted you to act like I was your equal, instead of someone you have to protect all the time. I was tired of you treating me like the weak link, and instead of listening to me you just walked out. How could you do that?"

I was stricken not only at her anger, but at her perception. Is this really how she thought I saw her…as some kind of liability? I had to make her understand.

"Clary, please listen to me. Do you remember this morning… when I asked what you would want me to do if it had been me who almost died?" She looked at me wearily and nodded. I continued. "You answered that you would want me to do my duty….to the Clave and to myself. When you said that I don't think you were being completely honest. I think that is what you would _expect_ me to do, but I don't think that's what you would necessarily _want_ me to do. I want you to stop fighting Clary…not because I don't think you're capable or I don't respect you, or think you're weak, but because the thought of having to see you the way you looked that night again….it scares me to death."

I reached over and took her hand. I needed to be completely honest with her, but this wasn't easy for me.

"I'm the one who's weak, Clary. I'm weak because the thought of losing you…of you being hurt….it brings me to my knees. The way I feel about you is....their are no words. It's made me question everything….My beliefs, my loyalties. Everything is in doubt….everything but my love for you."

"Clary, I may want you to be safe…to stop doing this, but I don't expect you to. I just thought that it was too soon for Magnus to ask that of you. I wanted you to be safe for a little while longer. Can you please try and understand. I don't want to run your life….I just want to be apart of it."

By the time I finished, Clary was squeezing my hand so tightly it actually hurt. I hoped it meant she wanted to hold on to me, because I never wanted to let her go. She was right. I had been a fool to walk out on her.

"Jace," Clary said softly. "I love you, too. And you're right; sometimes I wish you didn't have to be in danger all the time. When I go to the institute and your not there because you've been called out....part of me is so scared that something might happen to you. So I get what you're feeling." Her eyes filled with tears. "And don't you remember, Jace; I saw you die too."

I held my breath as she continued. I felt my body tense, and I couldn't shake the feeling I was preparing for a blow. Was it too late?

"Jace, you used to treat me like I was as strong as you. Even when I believed you didn't love, I always knew that you respected me. I need that from you. I want that feeling back. Do you think you can give me that?"

I thought about everything I had seen her do since I had known her. Even that first night in Pandemonium, she was running toward danger. She had followed us into the storage room to try and protect someone she didn't know. That's just the person she was, and I didn't want her to change.

"You have it, Clary. I'm sorry. I swear on the Angel I won't let my fear hurt you again." I took her other hand in mine and pulled myself closer to her. "Can you forgive me?"

She pulled her hands from mine, and for a moment I thought she couldn't. I closed my eyes. I didn't know if I could handle seeing the look on her face.

Then just as I was trying to decide the quickest way to get out of the room, I felt her hands touch the sides of my face. I opened my eyes to find her face so close to mine, that I could feel her breath against my lips when she whispered the word I needed to here.

"Yes."

With the lightest of touches I felt her lips touch mine. This wasn't a kiss of passion or lust. It wasn't even about forgiveness. It was a kiss of reunion. It was a promise.

I would never let her go again.

_And so you see I have come to doubt_

_All that I once held as true_

_I stand alone without beliefs_

_The only truth I know is you._

_Kathy's Song by Simon and Garfunkel_

**

* * *

**

**Author's Note: That line of Kathy's song (I think) perfectly describes how Jace feels about Clary. If you haven't heard it, go listen on youtube. It's one of the best love songs EVER. **

**Sorry guys. I'm a big liar. I didn't post on Sunday because I just couldn't get this chapter like I wanted it. I'm still not completely stoked, but here it is. I hope you find something redeeming about it.**

**Also, my husband is having surgery tomorrow, and will be home all next week recovering. I don't know if I can post until the week after next. I'll try for sooner, but no promises.**

**I just want to do a quick shout out to the anonymous reviewer, Hurry, Hurry, Hurry. Your awesome, rambling, funny, kind of crazy sounding review made me smile. It also made me want to get this done. Sorry it wasn't as quick as you probably would have liked.**

**To all my loyal reviewers…THANK YOU. Sometimes it's hard to keep doing this and then I get a review and for whatever reason it helps. In the immortal words of Red Bull….you guys give me wings. (Cheesy. But true.) **


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